Friday, May 30, 2008

my eyes are sensitive to window glare. I squint and shade my eyes when I am in rooms with window glare.

The writers circle at CSUMB meets in a room with large windows. I have learned to sit with the windows at my back.

Now I am struggling with the chairs, they don't quite fit my body so I keep trying out different chairs. And in spite of my restlessness I love this group and am glad that I am now a member.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

In the neighborhood, the baby herons are beginning to fly away. There ended up being at least 6 nests with several babies in each, no longer babies now young adults.

Lying in bed with the door open for my afternoon nap I could hear several crows talking, chirping, calling gargling, knocking . I drifted to sleep with these sounds.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Spent the afternoon in chaplain training at the Hospital exploring ways of doing spiritual assessment. I don't like the word spiritual but couldn't think of another one that was acceptable. Mostly I looked out the windows at the pine forest and the ocean in the distance.

The air is clear and fresh, and my mind kept escaping into the woods.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I'm standing at the check out stand at Whole Foods. The clerk tells me what I owe and I take out my wallet from my pants pocket and begin to take out the winkled snarled bills that are stuffed into the money compartment. Slowly I count out the amount and hand it to the clerk.

I wonder how many people I have annoyed because it takes me time to smooth out my money.

I don't mean to be a nuisance but I can't seem to keep my money neat. Maybe I should start ironing those dollar bills.

Monday, May 26, 2008

I am slowly attaching labels to envelops, pasting stamps, stuffing fliers into the envelops.

The price of stamps have gone up a cent so I have to put two stamps on each envelop as I use up my old stamps.

I listen to NPR talk radio until I can't stand it any more. I find the classical music station and regain my momentum. Sometimes words are just too much.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

A new pair of $100 shoes have been hurting me, the left shoe. Finally I remembered Frederico's Shoe repair and I took the shoe to the repair shop.

Can you stretch out this shoe.

Yep for $3.50, less then a gallon of gas, it no longer hurts my foot.

If only the other pains in my body could be solved so easily.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

This morning six of us met in silence from 8:30 to noon. We sat meditation, walked, drank tea and sat some more. It is hard to describe how valuable it is to be still and present. And yet to actually commit to a morning of doing nothing is extremely difficult. At the end we all smiled at each other and said thank you.

Friday, May 23, 2008

the fire continues but we are not getting so much smoke, the wind has changed.

I just finished reading a John Grisham thriller. I had forgotten how compelling these kinds of books are. The Broker.

Yes I recommend it if you want to escape from you life for awhile.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

It's May and already fire season has started. Strong wind, dry air and a huge fire near Santa Cruz. the air is thick with smoke. I want to know everything, I watch all the news programs on the television. I call a friend who lives near the fire and she thinks she is going to be required to evacuate. I can't seem to get any of my to do list done.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

spending time with eight year old boys means that you have long intense conversations about vomiting, farting, poop and blowing things up. When I complain about the focus of the conversation the boy reminds me that he is a boy and that what boys like to talk about. When I mention earthquakes he says yea I know after all I am in second grade.

So I have run out of new topics with him and am willing to talk about all the body functions in great detail. I am not so willing to talk about explosives, atomic weapons or dynamite.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

cold morning. I spend several hours at the Works coffee house in Pacific Grove getting warm and writing and eating a perfect Bear Claw from Pavel's Bakery.

the coffee house is painted in oranges and yellows and has many windows so even though it was foggy outside, inside the sun was bright.

Monday, May 19, 2008

I saw my first foreclosure sale sign in my neighborhood. I had hoped that we were exempt from foreclosures.

On the wharf this afternoon were many men lined up at the railing with fishing poles. Fishing, smoking, drinking from brown bags, joking. several men were surf fishing on the beach and one caught a big fish, a really big fish but I am not sure what it was.

The fog rolled in and no one complained.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

for the second week in a row I have not been able to pick up my Sunday New York times newspaper in time. They run out early and if I don't get to the shop early they are all gone.

Now I will have to go to the Library and look at their copy.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

the heat wave continues, in the 90's today and cooling down to 65 at night. It is almost unbearable. Yesterday afternoon I lay on my couch with a wet wash cloth on my forehead, reading, napping, feeling hot, doors open. a swift wind came up for a couple of hours, blowing through the quiet town. I had to close my front door because the wind was so disruptive.

There are six Blue Heron nests now down the street, filled with adolescent yakking birds.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Have I said it's hot? it's very hot, yep it's hot.

I lie on the couch reading, drinking juice. As the day wears on a warm wind comes up blowing around the newspapers stacked on the table.

Sitting outside in the shade I watch a crow walked up the street. he stops and cocks his head at the sound of a distant siren and then continues to walk.

The teenage herons are squawking in their nests. I can hear them from three blocks away. Soon they will fly away but the crows stay forever.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I wait for school to be out for the two children. I wait in my car that is slowly heating up in the hot sun. Cars and adults are patiently waiting for the kids to be released from their classes.

In the sky I see something that looks like an airplane, high up but when I look closely I see that it is a kite.

Finally with a burst of energy the kids leave their close knit clusters and being the walk back to the cars. they are tired and restless. I am glad to see them.

I tell them that we have to scream for twenty seconds in the car before we leave to release all their pent up energy. I scream but they just watch and say that screaming is dumb. I agree.

We drive home peacefully.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Met a friend for coffee at the Crossroads center in Carmel. The cafe has a large outdoor plaza. The roses were gorgeous, actually all the garden were beautiful, more beautiful then I could do. I thought of the number of men and chemicals used to coax these flowers into being.

While waiting I watched the older people with their small furry well groomed dogs sitting at the tables. As a new dog would enter the area, the dogs would begin to bark furiously and pull at their leashes. The owners would talk baby talk to them, oblivious to the bared teeth and vicious eyes. These dogs are monsters in their cute hair cuts and markings.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Early morning walk by Lovers Point. the ice plant is blooming, a violet purple, magenta, vibrant, saturated color that looks unreal. Every year these drab plants burst forth into this unreal color for about a month.

I walk carefully on the uneven trail, watching the ground. Then I stop and look at the restless ocean. I no longer can walk and look at the same time. I am getting older.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Went to a day long trauma workshop at the hospital. It was scheduled for all day but after lunch I left, too much information and the sun had finally came out after days of fog and cold.

Took a long walk downtown and now I am done for the day.

Friday, May 9, 2008

I think it is dangerous, it sure looks dangerous to me, the wire hanging low over the street. The young boys think it is great to throw ropes over. For weeks I worry and today I try to contact someone to check it out. But who? AT&T, PG&E, the city?

I start calling and get caught in the endless lists of possibilities none of which seem to apply.

Finally I call the city and eventually a real person answers, but by this time I am in tears.

I sputter out my concern and she wants transfer to call and I yell, no, no. Please don't transfer me. Her voice softens and is now willing to listen to the full story and says she will make the necessary calls.

I hope so.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

It's my turn to recommend three books to my book group for their vote. They will pick one. I have been agonizing for days, which books should they be. There are so many books that I love. So here is what I am recommending:

FIELDWORK by Misha Berlinski, a novel about anthropological field work in Thailand.

WRITING IN THE AGE OF SILENCE, by Sara Paretsky, a memoir of this wonderful feminist mystery writer.

WAITING FOR SNOW IN HAVANA, by Carlos Eire, a memoir of living in Cuba.

I don't know which one will be chosen.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

While Tasha and I are sitting and talking at the Paris Bakery an old woman with a frozen expression and a shuffling gate stuck her hands into our food basket to remove crumbs of bread.

What , I say to her, What are you doing.
And she mumbles, burrs.
birds, feed the birds.

So we let her finish picking through our left overs to take the crusts of bread. ummmm

The baby herons are out growing their nests down the street.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Drove to Soquel for lunch with friends.

First I had to empty the car of trash that had accumulated, papers, old popcorn and bloody nose tissues.

Filled the car with gas and drove. The fields are filled with bright yellow mustard plants. Artichokes fields are being harvested.

A long line of pelicans flew over the bridge at Moss Landing.

Talked and laughed with friends and then returned home.

Monday, May 5, 2008

I'm becoming so lazy. I bribed myself to take my usual 40 minute waterfront walk with a praline and creme ice cream cone at the end.

The sky was a vast empty pale blue and at first the ocean seemed an empty green. But when I got closer there were burnt orange jelly fish floating around.

Several men were fishing off the pier but no one was catching anything. Most birds are migrating. Lots of gulls and pigeons.

Several little kids and mothers testing the quiet water.

Now I have a blister on my foot.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

I've been thinking a lot about George Packer's book, THE VILLAGE OF WAITING, his experiences in West Africa in the 1980's as a Peace Corps volunteer.

He is such a good New Yorker writer and to read his first book on his Peace Corps life was wonderful.

He is thoughtful and open to the confusion and understanding of the complicity of African life. I now want to read his newer books.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

I awakened from my afternoon nap on the couch by the 7 year old neighbor boy.

Kathy, I just want to tell you that your yard looks great, what did you do.

I responded that I had a gardening crew come in and cut down all the grasses.

Well, it looks very good. Bye.

Friday, May 2, 2008

you would think I would get used to it, this 180 mile round trip to Redwood city every month for an 6 hour class. But No, Here I am with a sore body, a restlessness and ringing in my ears.

I did see a red robin in a yard when I took a walk during a break.

The blocks around the center are filled with old houses and blooming roses of all colors and sizes. It is beautiful.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

saw several head peaking out of the heron's nest as I drove by this afternoon.

Went to a meeting in the afternoon and my eyes kept closing. Maybe it was the free bag of popcorn I get when I go to my bank. They have a popcorn machine in the lobby for their customers.

Watched the Bill Moyers show with Rev. Jerimiah Wright this afternoon with a friend. So sad that he has been so misunderstood and demonized. Poor Barack loosing his friendship.