Tuesday, October 29, 2024

     It is difficult to describe the experience of week two of post chemo infusion. Fatigue, need for naps but unable to sleep, anxiety, headaches, edginess.  In the middle of the week, I fight with myself about being over dramatic. Days later it all fades away and I am left just feeling mildly guilty.

     Plans change, yes, I know this and yet when my chemo plan changes, I am deeply angry.  Why? Why? After a couple of hours, the anger dissipates and I am ready to show up at the next infusion. Sigh.

     Back to finding joy and laughter in my life.  My charming daughter comes by and we laugh. This morning the cool sun is shinning through the windows. A dog is barking and then stops.  Yes, he stops. The garbage trucks rumble up the street and of course the construction workers continue remodeling the house that will never be done.

     I am collecting TV movie and show possibilities. Most recommendations come from the New York Times. I am in the middle of more shows than I can mention here.  Like my pattern of book reading, being engrossed in many books at the same time. Being old I realize there is no end in life’s stories. Something new always comes along. There are no real endings in life.