Tuesday, February 3, 2026

    The images of the three doctors treating me keep popping up in my mind. I have many one sided conversations going on. I rehearse what I am going to say, what I need to say.  My actual live time with the doctor is limited so I have this make believe time going on in my mind.

     The TV series, THE PITT portrays real patients.  As they are waiting for the doctor, they are having these silent fantasy conversations.

     Gorgeous moon rising in the early evening. No fog to block the view. I watch the moon for a few minutes and then I am back to living in the curtained house. I wonder how many stunning beautiful experiences I am missing.

     I start reading AUDITION, a novel by Katie Kitamura, a truly starling story. I have no clue how it will end.

 

Monday, February 2, 2026

     The house is very cold in the morning. Heater clicks on. The day heats up and the heater is turned off.  I monitor the thermostat, a lifelong focus.  The doors are open to the warm afternoons.   In the late afternoon I close up the house. And if we are too cold, I turn the heater back on.  All to get my PG&E bill manageable.

     The tall man, the East coast photographer and my roommate meet in the afternoon to plan cleaning out the decades of stuff stored in the basement rooms. It just happened year after year. I can no longer be much help. I cheer them on with their daunting task. I keep my comments to myself to not break their resolve.

     We watch NUREMBERG, the movie in the evening. A fresh look at the Nazi trials. Well done and evocative of our current political situation. 

     I talk to my personal librarian on the phone.  She is recovering from a vacation trip to the Galapagos islands, a trip that turned disastrous.  She spent days in an Ecuadorian hospital recovering from a heart incident. I haven’t yet heard the whole story but she is getting well at home now. Traveling seems scary to me.

 

Sunday, February 1, 2026

     Lots of sirens and excitement this morning, fire truck and ambulance. This time it is not me.  I sit in the sun watching the first responders bring out my neighbor on a gurney. Three firemen and two ambulance crew. He looks alive, sitting half way up on the gurney.

     My large back deck is on a hillside.  I see into most of the yards and the alley. In the morning, I pace back and forth. I live in an old neighborhood.  We bought our homes decades ago and we are staying until the end. Working class homes 50 years ago but now beyond the financial reach of middle class families. A short dead end street. Fire trucks struggle getting to us. No sidewalks. We are aging in place.

     Several months ago, it was me on the gurney being placed in the ambulance. Just after surgery, I developed sepsis. I am good now. At some point I won’t be.

     The professor and I watch all 15 episodes of season one of THE PITT before she returns to San Rafael today. It feels like a huge mountain we climbed together.  New York photographer has arrived for a week visit.