Thursday, April 9, 2026

     I keep thinking of Michael’s Pollan’s descriptions about consciousness.  What is it and how does it function.  Just as I think I know what he is saying I lose it. Scientists have created criteria for studying consciousness and then their theories all dissolve.  I am about half way through the book, A WORLD APPEARS.

     I had planned to do errands yesterday.  Just get into my car and drive to the bank and the gas station and the library. But I kept forgetting what it was I was going to do or maybe I hit that wall of being afraid to get out into the world. It is not just fear of curbs, other fears also arise.

      An article in the New York Times reports on the human damage created during hospital stays. Fears, weaknesses, distractedness. Well maybe that is me. Maybe not, maybe I am just tired of trying so hard to be healthy. In the last 5 years. I have had 6 surgeries, multiple hospitalizations, 18 immunotherapy infusions and 19 chemo infusions and thousands of hours sitting in medical waiting rooms, and emergency rooms. Actually, I am doing really good. I have to stop being so hard on myself.

      We watch the last episode of DEADLOCH. Lots of noise and activity and crocodiles and bodies and. Guns.  My roommate looks up a critics review on her phone to learn what happened.

 

Wednesday, April 8, 2026

      Earth pictures from the space ship appear on my facebook feed. So beautiful. But the trip itself is not so amazing.  I am a science fiction reader. I have traveled through the universe this last century with the imaginative fiction writers. And yet when I see pictures of the tight space capsule and the four astronauts and their equipment, I am moved.

     After my late afternoon outside chair exercises, I listen to the Ezra Klein podcast with Michael Pollan. I am sitting in the shifting shade of the pine trees. They discuss human consciousness, what is it and how to study it. 

     I continue to slowly read Michael Pollan ‘s book A WORLD APPEARS. So exciting to read about the different scientists and philosophers exploring how we exist. I can’t get enough of these ideas.

    I watch the evening news to see if Trump is really going to destroy our world. He backs down and we all sigh a bit of relief. But the danger is not over yet. Then we watch another episode of DEADLOCH, a screaming Australian comedy murder mystery.  My roommate loves it. Me, not so much.

 

Tuesday, April 7, 2026

     The Meals on Wheels volunteer brings me food on Mondays.  She asks where is your writing group.  She has been seeing my friends for several years.  I say one fell down and died from a brain bleed and the other tumbled off a cliff, breaking a lot of bones. and now lives near family. And both were younger than me.

     The volunteer and I confess we are afraid of falling and dying. I am very sad and miss my two writing buddies. I ask her if she likes to write.  She shakes her head no. I tell her I am looking for writing buddies.

     This morning, we have a marine layer blanketing the neighborhood. Cool damp foggy morning. I don’t want to get out of bed, out from under my warm comforter. But of course, the bathroom calls to me.

     We are going to try another TV series this week, THREE ROCKS FROM THE SUN on Hulu. An old series that is supposedly funny and satisfying. I watch two episodes of THE CLOSER while my roommate is on her evening zoom meetings. I am slowly reading Michael Pollan’s book A WORLD APPEARS. It is so good. And the deranged president continues trying to destroy our country, our people.