Tuesday, April 7, 2026

     The Meals on Wheels volunteer brings me food on Mondays.  She asks where is your writing group.  She has been seeing my friends for several years.  I say one fell down and died from a brain bleed and the other tumbled off a cliff, breaking a lot of bones. and now lives near family. And both were younger than me.

     The volunteer and I confess we are afraid of falling and dying. I am very sad and miss my two writing buddies. I ask her if she likes to write.  She shakes her head no. I tell her I am looking for writing buddies.

     This morning, we have a marine layer blanketing the neighborhood. Cool damp foggy morning. I don’t want to get out of bed, out from under my warm comforter. But of course, the bathroom calls to me.

     We are going to try another TV series this week, THREE ROCKS FROM THE SUN on Hulu. An old series that is supposedly funny and satisfying. I watch two episodes of THE CLOSER while my roommate is on her evening zoom meetings. I am slowly reading Michael Pollan’s book A WORLD APPEARS. It is so good. And the deranged president continues trying to destroy our country, our people.

 

Monday, April 6, 2026

     I focus on paying attention to being alive each day. Yesterday morning I either swallowed the esophagus pill or not. I put the pill on the breakfast tray to take after a couple of bites of cereal. As I finished eating, I couldn’t remember if I had taken the pill. I check around the tray and the chair. Nothing. I decided to accept that I probably took the pill. But I am still not sure.

     This morning a cold wet fog is covering my neighborhood. Maybe the heat wave is over and I can put away the fan in the living room. Today is garbage day, the day to fill the bins and drag them to the street. Images of war continue with no end in sight.

      I started reading A WORLD APPEARS, A Journey into Consciousness, by Michael Pollan It is a slow read. I read a paragraph and then read it again to understand what he is writing about. The second book I am reading is Yael Van Der Wouden’s Danish novel, THE SAFEKEEP. It is bleak and fast paced.

     My roommate brings me an Easter dinner plate from her holiday visit with friends.  We settle down to watch JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, a fabulous musical story of the gospels. Fabulous because the music images are so good, not so much the story. Although the story is deeply embedded in my childhood memories.

 

Sunday, April 5, 2026

     We watch an intensely sad, good movie last night and I can’t remember the name. I text my roommate in the next room and she texts back FANCY DANCE streaming on Apple plus. A story about the disappearance of a Native American woman and the effect on her family. I struggle with remembering names but not ideas and experiences.

    I sit on the deck in the dark looking up to the enormous sky. Tiny stars pop out. An airplane flashes white and red high over head. And always the rumbling car sounds, interspersed with roaring car engines. The windows lit up in neighbor houses and the distant glowing light of the town. Always the question, where are we and what is this huge expanding universe we live in.

     In the evening, I read articles in my current New Yorker. The Nordic mystery book I planned to read is too gory and I quickly put it away.

     Today is Easter and I have no plans. The sun is out and I expect mild weather.  Good enough for me. Maybe I will check out a new park bench in town.