Wednesday, August 5, 2026

     I am struck with this urge to buy something, anything.  I start moving through images on Amazon.  Maybe a stadium blanket. Not that I don’t have many throws already but I could use one that is shorter and fits me in my recliner during these cold mornings.  I check out dozens and finally just leave the site.  Instead I email a friend.  Really I just want a conversation with a friend.

     Later in the day between watching grim national news and waiting for the house cleaners to arrive, I am back on the computer looking at stadium blankets. And I buy one quickly before I change my mind. Anything to release that grip of desire.

     A friend comes by in the morning and we sit in the living room to talk together. Nothing special, warm friendly words and smiles. Later another friend drops off a sweet desert for us, and also chocolate donuts. The sun comes out by noon and the doors are opened again. The house is cleaned, I nap and life goes on. I wonder if I will ever recover enough to have a life outside the house.

     I finished reading THE SECRET SHARERS and start on Michael Cunningham’s new book UNSAYABLE, A LIFE IN WRITING. This book is better than I expected. In the evening, I watch half an episode of netflix new medical comedy BEST MEDICINE, similar to Doc Martin. Undecided on further viewing. We watch one more episode of THE CAPTURE, a tense mystery story. It is strange and maybe pathetic how important tv shows are to me now.

 

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

     After lunch I curl up on the couch under my blue comforter.  Images of the wind gusting through the yard fill the windows. I fall half asleep, in the strange world of being partially awake but not moving or thinking. Timeless until the front door opens and my roommate returns and I become fully awake again.

     So what is the dreadful August car week exactly. Mostly thousands of guys looking at cars, driving cars, talking about cars, showing off cars, desiring better more interesting cars, all while racing up and down the streets. It is not a sporting event or a cultural concert or a festival. It is about looking and talking about cars with other guys and spending money in local businesses. Maybe better than fighting wars or terrorizing our immigrant communities. The appeal is a mystery to me.

     I mention to my roommate that we are out of Ad Astra bread, the best bread in the world. Maybe she will have time to pick up a sourdough seeded loaf. Please, I say. And she does.  I am so lucky. I am limping in the afternoon. I suspect I was too aggressive with my chair exercises. Getting old is a challenge. We are now eating home grown artichokes and tomatoes.

     I am engrossed in the novel, THE SECRET SHARERS by Qui Xiaolong. More books are waiting. In the evening, I watch one episode of THE LAST SHIP while my roommate is on zoom meetings.  Then we watch more of THE CAPTURE, A British mystery story, complex and scary. We forget to take out the recycle bin for pick up. This morning my roommate is on it. Yep garbage day once again. Foggy cold morning.

 

Monday, August 3, 2026

     Cold damp morning. Wearing winter clothes now.  Feeling peppy, ready to do something. Cell phone now beeps with another offer of hundreds of thousand dollars if only I answer some questions. For sure, spam.  I get several of these calls everyday.  It must be because I own my own home so I am a target.  If only they knew my just barely adequate income.

     My roommate is tired yesterday so I get to be in charge. I order groceries, clean up the kitchen. Surely, I did more but now I can’t remember. What does being in charge actually mean. I feel in charge but actually I do what I usually do.

     I am disappointed with the sci-fi book, EARTH 7 by Deb Olin Unferth.  It starts off with a bang and I love it. But then it becomes too technical and difficult to understand. I continue to read THE SECRET SHARERS by Qiu Xiaolong. In the afternoon I sit in the shade outside and do my chair exercise.  Then I listen to an interesting NYT’S BOOK REVIEW podcast focusing on JOHN OF JOHN. A good conversation about a book I enjoyed. I also listen to a bladder cancer podcast to hear about the latest treatments. Protocols keep changing. A difficult disease.

      And then early in the evening we watch TV, the last episodes of the great series, RUN OR DIE. Now we want a second season. The living room darkens as we watch. I turn on the lights and close the curtains and lock up the house. Still only two sun flowers blooming. More coming. Nothing new to say about the national political quagmire. But the very loud and busy car week is coming soon to our community.