Monday, July 28, 2025

    At home, I am restless and sad, and glad to be alive, and sort of functioning. I am full of conflicting emotions. When asked how I am doing I am not sure how to answer. Both good and terrible. I don’t want to scare people away and yet acknowledge all of it.

     I get up Sunday morning, slowly fix my breakfast and eat most of it, swallow my pills, especially the large antibiotic pill, the one supposedly keeping me alive. Wash the dishes, get dressed all by myself. I am tired but not sleepy, restless, but don’t want to do anything.  Or maybe time to acknowledge my limitations to myself and live the life I have now. Everything changes.

      I watch part of a HBO documentary on Billy Joel. His music and times are so familiar to me.  I could sing the songs with him. I plan to finish watching. In the evening it is CODE OF SILENCE on Brit Box, another intense good show.

     I am back to reading the novel, I SEE YOU HAVE CALLED IN DEAD by John Kenney.  Really, I am back to enjoying and understanding stories.  When on morphine, the stories didn’t make sense.