Tuesday, June 11, 2024

     So I had my 8^th chemo treatment and so what.  I am feeling tired of all of this. I have become a sullen and argumentative patient. I am reverting back to being an eight year old kid again. The nurses remain kind and gentle with me.  Maybe all patients spend some time reluctant to participate in the treatments. I need to play some more solitaire.

    The essence of computer solitaire is getting the cards organized and in line. When I am anxiously waiting for something, I play solitaire. The one place I seem to have direction over my life.  I succeed in maybe 10 percent of the games but that is enough to feel good again. This is a game to regain my sense of control.

     The treatment room for the bladder patients is a small and windowless, with a solitary florescent light in the ceiling. I wear my baseball cap to shade my eyes from the harsh light. I am in the room for about an hour while the nurse is in and out, preparing for the treatment. The non bladder patients sit on recliners in front of windows with a view of the country side. I easily forget how fortunate I am to have these skilled nurses help me.

     After a good night’s sleep life seems good again. Foggy but not so cold. Garbage bins waiting to be emptied by the lumbering trucks. My to do list is short.  I am seeing some friends at lunch time. Not sure which book I am going to read now.