Tuesday, February 13, 2024

     While I am at the infusion center, Juan the handyman rebuilds my broken fence. My back yard is now secure again from marauding deer and high school students and stray dogs. Cats are not detoured by fences.    

      My infusion treatment didn’t work because of bladder spasms.  It was so awful that I can’t write about it. I meet with the doctor on Thursday to create a better treatment protocol. In the afternoon I am at home recovering.   

     I suspect that I have just hit a wall.  The nurses and staff were kind and thoughtful.  The center was functioning and clean.  It is me who is so upset and unable to understand why. I unfairly without cause, mistrust the lab work, the tests, the doctors, the protocols. The infusion fails and now my whole sense of what is possible is in question.  I blame all my anguish the FISH test. The poor FISH test.

     This morning, I wake up, I forgot to put the garbage bins out yesterday.  Quickly I put on my orange puffer jacket and drag those heavy bins to the street. All is back in balance again. The FISH test is no longer the villain.