early morning

Lying in bed in the early morning just before I get up to go to the zendo, windows open, cool fog, sounds of the birds echo in the darkness, a dog barks, a car starts up. It's hard not to wish that it was always like this.

I turn on the light and stumble across the books and clothes piled on the floor. With the light on I can see how confused my life becomes when I am inattentive.

All night I had a live beeper resting by my bed. I did not get called although I was aware that at any time the hospital could call for the duty chaplain to assist in an unexpected death. I returned the beeper this morning.