Wednesday, August 5, 2026

     I am struck with this urge to buy something, anything.  I start moving through images on Amazon.  Maybe a stadium blanket. Not that I don’t have many throws already but I could use one that is shorter and fits me in my recliner during these cold mornings.  I check out dozens and finally just leave the site.  Instead I email a friend.  Really I just want a conversation with a friend.

     Later in the day between watching grim national news and waiting for the house cleaners to arrive, I am back on the computer looking at stadium blankets. And I buy one quickly before I change my mind. Anything to release that grip of desire.

     A friend comes by in the morning and we sit in the living room to talk together. Nothing special, warm friendly words and smiles. Later another friend drops off a sweet desert for us, and also chocolate donuts. The sun comes out by noon and the doors are opened again. The house is cleaned, I nap and life goes on. I wonder if I will ever recover enough to have a life outside the house.

     I finished reading THE SECRET SHARERS and start on Michael Cunningham’s new book UNSAYABLE, A LIFE IN WRITING. This book is better than I expected. In the evening, I watch half an episode of netflix new medical comedy BEST MEDICINE, similar to Doc Martin. Undecided on further viewing. We watch one more episode of THE CAPTURE, a tense mystery story. It is strange and maybe pathetic how important tv shows are to me now.