Thursday, April 9, 2026

     I keep thinking of Michael’s Pollan’s descriptions about consciousness.  What is it and how does it function.  Just as I think I know what he is saying I lose it. Scientists have created criteria for studying consciousness and then their theories all dissolve.  I am about half way through the book, A WORLD APPEARS.

     I had planned to do errands yesterday.  Just get into my car and drive to the bank and the gas station and the library. But I kept forgetting what it was I was going to do or maybe I hit that wall of being afraid to get out into the world. It is not just fear of curbs, other fears also arise.

      An article in the New York Times reports on the human damage created during hospital stays. Fears, weaknesses, distractedness. Well maybe that is me. Maybe not, maybe I am just tired of trying so hard to be healthy. In the last 5 years. I have had 6 surgeries, multiple hospitalizations, 18 immunotherapy infusions and 19 chemo infusions and thousands of hours sitting in medical waiting rooms, and emergency rooms. Actually, I am doing really good. I have to stop being so hard on myself.

      We watch the last episode of DEADLOCH. Lots of noise and activity and crocodiles and bodies and. Guns.  My roommate looks up a critics review on her phone to learn what happened.