Tuesday, April 15, 2025

     I look at art pictures on facebook. I struggle with knowing the difference between what moves me and what I should like. It takes time to sort out the shoulds in my life. And it is not just pictures. The secret for me is to keep looking and not turn away.

     Outside the waiting room, the Monterey Post office roof sprouts a meadow of grasses and weeds. Monday morning, a swarm of workers are busy on Hartnell roof. Inside the waiting room I gaze at a painting I love, several boats at a dock amidst buildings and the ocean. Vivid colors draw me into the scene.  Near the registration desk, a staff woman is sitting alone by a table with Aspire insurance information, waiting. The patients are quiet and orderly.

     This morning, I wake up finally understanding that yes I am going to die and the role of medicine is to make me comfortable as long as possible, not cured.  What a relief.  I am feeling stronger with the physical therapy. And of course, I have no idea when I will die.

     I finish reading BURN by Peter Heller, A satisfying book looking at the possible civil wars between the states and the federal government. And the ever present news of our government running amuck.