Saturday, February 8, 2025

     I complete the challenging physical therapy evaluation in the afternoon. The hardest test is to just walk non stop for 6 minutes. How is it that walking for 6 minutes is difficult? In the end I learn that I am a fall risk, I should use my cane all the time, and to walk up the stairs I need to strengthen my legs. So now I will go to physical therapy program twice a week and do the homework exercises daily. I am exhausted. Maybe at the end of 6 weeks I will be stronger. The Physical Therapist is kind and unremitting with me.

     For nearly 4 years of cancer treatments, I have been a passive recipient of medications, being poked and measured and cut. I am weaker. And now with physical therapy I am expected to do the work, not just receive the treatment. It is up to me rather than the person standing by me. Sigh.

     I am defensive with the therapist as I realize how weak I am. It’s because I am old, because I have had five surgeries, because I am in chemo treatment, because I am lazy. It is so hard to just accept that I am weak and need to work hard to increase my strength and stamina.

     I am reading a strange new novel, A TRAVELER AT THE GATES OF WISDOM, by John Boyne. So far I am liking it.  Last night I watch another episode of TRAUMA CODE. This show is growing on me.