Tuesday, January 21, 2025

     The meeting with the palliative care doctor goes well.  I arrive scared and angry after my last humiliating painful experience. We talk and I begin to see the stories I have created in the last two months to justify my anger. We talk some more and my anger decreases and I am ready to try again with chemo therapy. The difficulties are mostly caused by miscommunication. Next time I will slow down any confusing adverse activity to allow the possibility of a resolution.

     I am tired when I return home. Several family members visit and life become more familiar again. Garbage day and the bins are pulled to the street by the tall man.

     Still waiting for the pathology report. Living with uncertainty is my life now.

      I continue to read Dr. Otis Brawley’s book HOW WE DO HARM. His guiding principle in his medical career is acknowledging what he knows, what he doesn’t know, and what he believes. I am going to work with these principles.