Wednesday, November 20, 2024

     After diner I watch an episode of MY LIFE IS MURDER, An Australian detective series on Prime. And then another episode of NORTHERN EXPOSURE, my very favorite show set in Cicely Alaska. We are in a cold spell now and I am trying to stay warm.

     I suspect everyone who is sick has bladder cancer.  It is such a compelling topic for me. There are actually healthy people out there. And these healthy people may not be interested in hearing my cancer stories. Maybe it is difficult to hear their healthy stories.

     Another day of living at home, doing the daily chores, reading, talking to friends, writing.  I think about going out to the ocean, to the store, downtown. Thinking but not doing. I am afraid of getting sicker, of not being able to get back home. These fears hid in my mind and pop up unexpectedly.

     I am intrigued reading about Dr. Oliver Sacks in AND HOW ARE YOU, DR. SACKS? by Lawrence Weschler, a series of interviews with and about Oliver Sacks. He is so creative and damaged, and yet able to really accept and help his patients.

 

Tuesday, November 19, 2024

     A friend comes by at dusk bringing library books.  We talk and then watch the first episode of Ken Burns film on Leonardo Da Vinci on PBS. I am intrigued by Da Vinci’s life and work. Such beautiful images of his art and the countryside.

     After an hour of not falling asleep I get up, wrap myself in blankets and turn on the reading light. Oh yes this is week two of chemo treatment.  I have shivers and heat flashes again. This is so familiar.  I turn on the computer and begin to play solitaire.  Playing with numbers rather than words is soothing. Two hours later I am back in bed. There will be no week two in December.

     I am back to reading several books at a time. Started the latest Louise Penny book, THE GREY WOLF.  I am so familiar with her world I can’t tell if this is good or not.

     Garbage day.  I mark the weeks with ever reoccurring garbage duty.  How is it that one person has so much garbage and trash. The heavy bags are getting easier.  I am getting stronger.

 

Monday, November 18, 2024

     Lately I tell my grief-stricken friends that really, we don’t know what is going to happen next for our country. Most likely we will all be OK. But of course, this is just my opinion, a way to deal with my own fears.

     Skinny green shoots are appearing in the dry back yard. This little bit of rain is awakening the hidden seeds in the dirt. Strange that new growth comes in the cold fall. On the central coast of California, we have wet and dry seasons. Wet season is filled with green life and dry season is parched.

     I start reading AND HOW ARE YOU, DR. SACKS, a biographical memoir of Oliver Sacks, by Lawrence Weschler. Oliver Sacks is one of my all time heroes and this book is so satisfying.

    Finished the last episode of Masterpiece theater mystery, THE MARLOW MURDERS.  Another British show with women out smarting the police to find the murderer.