Wednesday, November 6, 2024

     Early election evening, I give up watching the returns. I thought I was stronger. I alternate between PBS and MSNBC. I remind myself that I am open to surprise in the morning. The Trump voters are such a mystery to me. I remind myself that everyday is a good day.

     This sunny cool morning, I have run out of words to write.  What is the most important thing now. Yes, our so called enemy has been elected and we don’t know what is coming next. Time to notice what bubble I am living in.

     Today I will wash and dry the bed sheets. Also water the dry cold garden. That is enough for the day. I want to pay attention to what life is like in today’s world.

     And of course I have a new detective story to read.  JAR CITY by the Icelandic author Arnaldur Indridason.  Time to learn about life in Iceland a decade ago.

 

Tuesday, November 5, 2024

     Week four of this chemo treatment cycle.  Week four, I am long past the difficulties of week two.  I am sort of energetic. I am ready to look at exercise videos for strengthening my body.  In the last four years I have worked with a dozen physical therapists.  I know the routines. I am ready to start again, at least until next Monday’s monthly infusion.

     The three of us meet weekly to do timed writing and reading on Monday mornings. Our writing voice is so different then our speaking voice. We view out lives through different lenses.  And we talk and laugh a lot.

     My friend has a photograph she has taken of me for her class. I cringe seeing how old and strange I look in the picture. Mostly I see parts of myself from my eyes. I seldom see my whole body at one time. I have a picture of myself living in my mind that the camera cannot catch. Maybe art works can capture the real me.

     I finish reading THE MESSAGE. The book reminds me of how complicated and painful our lives can be.  There is no escaping the injustice and violence inherent in human life. And today is election day.  Sigh.

 

Monday, November 4, 2024

     The heavy upholstered ottoman sits in front of my recliner. Books, papers, notebooks, tissue boxes, stuff occupy most of my work space. And this piece of furniture is slowly moving closer to the television screen. It is too heavy for me to push back so I scoot the recliner forward.

     After a quiet day reading and napping, I remember I do have ideas for future activities. But do I have the energy and health to do these activities? As long as I am in cancer treatment, I feel constrained, but maybe I am doing this to myself. If I had the energy, I would like to find a support group focusing on personal writing about sickness, old age, and death.  This is the juicy part of life for me now.

     I watch the new documentary MARTHA on Netflix Sunday night.  A fabulous look at the life of Martha Stewart. I knew bits and pieces of her life through media. I am pleased that she is a successful woman in a world of guys.

     I start reading Ta-Nehisi Coates’s new non fiction collection of essays, THE MESSAGE.  He is one of my favorite authors. I also continue with several other books.