Monday, May 11, 2026

     I am obsessed with sheep, or maybe the idea of sheep. I haven’t really seen sheep except maybe at the local fair’s livestock pavilion.  I watch videos of sheep being herded by racing dogs, through gates across meadows.  I am reading THE SALT STONES, a memoir of a young woman becoming a shepherd in New England. Is it too late to look for sheep in Monterey County.

     I know how my friends look, their body language, clothes, mannerism, voice.  I am mostly invisible to myself.  I know my hands and feet.  I see out my eyes, maybe a glimpse of my nose but mostly I am invisible to myself. My voice resonates through my head.  I feel my body. Looking in a mirror sometimes helps.

      In the foggy cold afternoon, we watch a wonderful film on Netflix, REMARKABLE BIGHT CREATURES. The story has such a happy ending.

     We share stories of our bodies and our experiences in the medical world. We wonder why doctors ignore us when we talk about pain. The college student poet packs up and leaves by noon to return to school.

 

Sunday, May 10, 2026

     My ASUS computer and I are aging in place. We are each slowing down. Some of the computer keys are broken, and grimy, my hands are winkled and bruised. But we know each other, no more secrets.  I resist a haircut and taking a shower, and the computer resists upgrades and cleaning. Together we are a committed couple.

     The tall man and I eat breakfast at Denny’s mid-morning. Mother’s Day, my choice. The place is crowded. We get the last booth. We park across the street and once again I face my fear of curbs. I am so afraid of falling. Holding on to a slender street tree I take the step.

     I am intrigued by a new film review of the movie, THE SHEEP DETECTIVES. The sheep, with human voices, solve murders. Should be out in late June. I am excited.

    An unexpected overnight visit with the college student poet. We introduce her to the series, MARGO NEEDS MONEY on Apple +. The three of us can’t stop laughing as we watch several episodes.   None of us want to watch the news shows.

 

Saturday, May 9, 2026

     Early summer weather, fog and damp. We had an hour of sun yesterday afternoon. I am not sure what will happen today. I sit at my computer wearing my puffer jacket and a blanket on my knees.

     My roommate struggles moving a massive wooden thing. Turns out it is a tall planting bed for me.  Really, she is doing the work. Time for home grown salad greens. Already it is filled with soil and plants. My job will be to harvest the greens for our salades.  I am excited.

     It is magic or maybe a miracle, images of my grandson’s graduation three thousand miles away fly though the air and show up on this small plastic thing in my hand. This is beyond my comprehension. I used to think cars were magic but now my sense of wonder is expanded. I am definitely old.

     The other book I am reading is FROG and other essays by Anne Fadiman. I have loved her work. This latest book is good. The two shows I watch when I am alone, are THE CLOSER (still) and YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS on Apple+. I don’t know what to say about the daily devastating news.