Friday, March 27, 2026    

     So the appointment with the Oncologist goes well.  He does the cystoscopy procedure and says my bladder looks health, no tumors found. Now I wait for the wash water pathology report for possible cancer cells. He tells me I am doing well and I don’t have to come back for 6 months for the next testing.  Unless of course I develop some symptoms or cancer cells are found in the pathology report.

     I am relieved and exhausted. But it is not really over. Bladder cancer is notoriously fickle and reoccurring. But still good news. I feel like I am on parole, that I am out of danger on good behavior. Maybe I am reluctant to hear good news. I have been having difficult treatments and surgeries for 5 years and now maybe I don’t need any more. I am left with lots of treatment caused body damage and I am still alive. So good news and I am tired.

     I am reading my friend, Naomi Estolas, just published book, I LAUGH AT MY MOM WHO HAS PARKINSON’S DISEASE. It is helping me not be afraid of friends’ Parkinson’s disease. Short thoughtful funny essays.  She is wonderful.

     Last night I am alone and watch two episodes of THE CLOSER. Today I am preparing to meet a new doctor, a GI doc to help with my swallowing problems. I am unable to complete their online paperwork. I hope they will help me in their office. I will remind them that I am 85 and filling out forms on line is impossible for me.

 

Thursday, March 26, 2026

     53 degrees in my bedroom this morning. I put on my green puffer jacket and warm sweat pants to eat my breakfast. Weather report says it will be a warm day today. Hummmm., maybe.

      My state and federal income taxes are done and the envelops are stamped, ready for the post office. Of course, I expect some comments from the IRS agents as usual, or maybe from their AI agent. They would like me to be modern and use a computer. I just want to pay my taxes on time. They are more complicated and sophisticated, and I have just become older and set in my ways. But I do pay my taxes every year. They don’t scare me anymore.

     This morning is my cancer surveillance appointment with the urologist. All week I have alternated from feeling dread and hopeless, and it’s all going to be fine. No way to predict what he will find in my bladder with his tiny video camera.

     Last night we watch the latest season of the Australian show DEADLOCH.  It is funny, weird and difficult to understand with their Australian accents.  And they speak so fast. The sub titles help.  Really good show. I am almost finished reading ANTIDOTE.  I will miss these characters when I am done.

 

Wednesday, March 25, 2026 

        I did it Tuesday morning. Yep I drive to the library, park close to the front door.  Drag in the heavy bag with 4 books to return, conquer the curb with my cane and a pole sticking up from the sidewalk. Inside I use the library’s walker, picking up the California tax forms and the twelve books waiting for me.

     At the check out desk, I shuffle through the pile to find six books to keep. I use the walker to take the new books back to the car. And then I return the walker. I am so tired I can hardly move. My roommate says she will bring in the bag of new books into the house. I miss my wonderful recovering personal librarian.

     We begin to hear the sounds of a cooing in the morning. At first, I think it is the owl but no according to the phone app, it is a mourning dove. We hear the owl at night. At 10pm I comforted with the bugle blowing from the army presidio marking the end of the day.

      The music on TEHRAN is thrilling, starling.  We brace ourselves for the opening sounds. We finished the first season and then watch another episode of THE CLOSER.  There are seven endless seasons of THE CLOSER. I am committed to seeing every episode. I continue to read ANTIDOTE, a long complicated imaginative book.