Tuesday, November 18, 2025

     Still cold and damp this morning but the sun is out. Time for a sun dance. Last night I recharge my plug in solar lanterns just in case.  Wake up several times to intense rain pounding.

    The urology assistant calls to review the ambivalent urine test. She wants to know if I have a UTI. I want to know also. Thursday is the cystoscopy procedure.  My vacation from treatments is about to end.

     I watch more of THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION. Sad to say it is mostly about men with guns and marching long distances.  Where are the women’s experiences. The show is already 12 hours long, no time for women and children and non white men. But it still it is an interesting historical series. I am just in the second episode, more is to be revealed.

     I am engrossed in Susan Straight’s novel MECCA. It took awhile to appreciate but now I just want to sit around and read more.

 

Monday, November 17, 2025

     I wake up scared this morning in the dark, more than scared, terrified, like I have forgotten how traitorous life can be. We watch episode 1 of THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION in the evening. This story is filled with beautiful images and words, and bloody awful battles. No one seems to know who fires the first gun. This is how wars start and continue. Mostly men and guns and fantasies of a better life. Of course, I am going to continue watching this week, and suffer through my own nightmares.

     The charming poet comes to visit for the weekend. She has had a room at my house for 6 years. Mostly she is now living in an apartment near the university as she finishes her college courses. She has grown from a teenager to a young adult.

     I’ve started reading MECCA, a novel by Susan Straight. Not sure if I will stay with it. I have liked her books in the past.

     Rain on and off all day and night, one storm after another. More puddles and another leak in the skylight. The plants and birds seem delighted. During lulls in the rain I walk on the deck. I am so afraid of losing my ability to walk.

 

Sunday, November 16, 2025

     I practice blowing my ICE whistle.  Turns out I am a hesitant blower and need to blow with stronger confidence. I am afraid of loud noises; I am afraid of being so visible.  But now I can blow with strength. I sit in my blue recliner and startle my roommate with unexpected blasts. Maybe I will go to Home Depot and watch for ICE AGENTS so I can blow my whistle again and again. I think I have reverted to being a ten year old again.

     Meals on Wheels has a Thanksgiving special.  Local fire fighters plan to deliver holiday meals to us on the morning of Thanksgiving. I have signed up for my special meal. A teat to see a firefighter when there is no fire. I am not sure who is actually cooking the meal. I hope they arrive in their fancy firetrucks. Maybe I will also have a special dinner with my family.

     Yes, today I am actually going to trim my finger and toe nails.  They keep growing even though it seems like just recently I trimmed them. I have been telling myself this all week.

     Susan Orlean’s new book JOY RIDE is so compelling. She writes about her life as a writer. Of course, she is a great writer and that helps.  My favorite book she wrote is THE LIBRARY BOOK. We continue to watch DOWN CEMETERY ROAD and PLURIBUS. I want more control over when to watch. Weekly episode drops are annoying. I am looking forward to Ken Burns’ new show AMERICAN REVOLUTION tonight on PBS.