Saturday, June 13, 2026    

     Foggy cool morning. I look at the California weather report and realize I live in a narrow band of cool fog while the rest of the state is too hot. This morning, I am wearing my green puffer jacket while I eat my breakfast and read the morning paper.

     I meet a friend for lunch at the local Chinese restaurant. We talk while eating our lunch specials. The restaurant is busy. And I am exhausted when I get home. Today will be a quiet day as I recover from Friday’s lunch. I wish I knew whether the tiredness is just age and disability, or something fixable.

     My roommate is busy in the small backyard farm, hours of slow work. She returns to the house smiling. This work is perfect for her. I am now eating home grown salads.  Soon we will have fresh tomatoes and dozens of other treats. In the evening we watch WIDOWS BAY and CLARKSON’S FARM.

     I took a Political Science class at UC Berkeley in 1960 that explored the philosophical framework of societies. I barely passed and took the class a second time in an attempted to understand how our society actually works. I am still working on understanding our political and cultural lives. NOTES ON A FOREIGN COUNTRY by Suzy Hansen is fabulous, and difficult to understand.

 

Friday, June 12, 2026

     I don’t write about sadness, and yet sadness is part of life. Lately I am confused with the roles of my three medical doctors. I am not sure who does what and who can help me. I over think planning my short visits, writing down the issues that concern me. And yet I don’t feel heard. I am not sure what I want. I am lucky to have only three doctors, a primary care doctor, an oncologist surgeon, and a palliative care oncologist. There are a whole lot more doctors out there that could be treating me.

     I am basically healthy but have a lot of small body concerns. The cancer seems to be gone leaving behind a damaged body from the treatments and aging. I remind myself that I am still alive after 5 years of treatments.  The medical systems is clearly working even if I struggle with my doubts.

     The photographer arrives early this morning full of good cheer and fresh strawberries.

     I am now reading three books hoping I will not mix them up in my mind. The latest is THE ELUSIVE BODY, Patients, Doctors and the Diagnosis Crisis, by Alexandra Sifferlin. My quest is to understand who we are in our country. My retirement job is to read books. I am delighted with watching another episode of CLARKSON’S FARM.

 

Thursday, June 11, 2026

     The heat wave has started.  The house warms up during the day.  I turn on the fan in the living room. I am trying to remember how to live with the warm weather. It is not really a heat wave, just some warm weather after months of fog and cold.

    Wednesday morning three deer are walking up the road, a mother and two youngsters with spots. Walking slowly.  I am sitting in my car hoping they will not come into the front garden. The deer just kept walking past my house.

     This morning a flock of small birds are busy in the bottle bush tree. Mostly I see the branches moving as the birds jump around. A small jolt of joy arises when I actually see the birds.

     All day I continue to read NOTES ON A FOREIGN COUNTRY, an American abroad in a post American world, by Suzy Hansen. Some of my sadness comes from the author exploring the damaging influence America has had on the Middle East. In the evening I watch Ari Melbur MS NOW news and then two more episodes of THE CLOSER.