Friday, August 14, 2026

    Six booms come through the open windows, fire crackers or maybe gun shots? Dark outside, lights on in the house. No sirens. A dog begins barking. Still no sirens. No flashing lights. I don’t know what gun shots really sound like. My only gun experience is through books and TV. No gun exposure in my family. 

     Wind and fog all day. Today more of the same. I approach each day with the thought of anything is possible. A friend arrives with eleven more library books and conversation. 

     The solitary potted giant sunflower plant is now outside in front of the kitchen window.  I sit in my blue recliner in the living room. The large golden flower keeps an unblinking eye on me. I am being monitored. 

     I cannot continue to read AGING OUT, an exploration of caregiving, community, and how ‘Americans grow old.  Too scary to read as vulnerable older woman. The book I am liking is a self published book, THE MEDICAL ETHIC, A PHILOSOPHICAL MEMOIR by Russell Noblett, MD. The focus is on the creative process of medical decision making. And a third book I start last night, a novel NORTHWOODS by Amy Pease.

 

Thursday, August 13, 2026

     Don’t think I just sit in my recliner all day, because I also lie on the couch for napping. I also walk on the deck, wash dishes, move laundry and do my yoga chair exercises. Sometimes I go outside to collect the mail. Probably not enough movement but I am trying.

     Before falling asleep I listen to the sounds of individual cars revving up and racing in the neighborhood. Zooming on our streets. I thought the police were going to stop this from happening this year. As I lay in bed, I realize the noise isn’t the problem, it is my imagination upsetting me. I create ugly images of angry drunk men based on a car engine sound.

     More books waiting at the library. Another friend is picking up books for me while the personal librarian is busy. It is such a treat to put a hold on books I have heard about and then they are delivered to my home.

     My roommate has started a new serious community activity. The house is full of energy and good will. I watch more of THE BOMBING OF PAN AM i03. We watch THE PATRIOT, an older series that is somewhat funny and startling. And the regime of the current demented president hangs over us. And the devastating fires in Big Sur continue through the night.

 

Wednesday, August 12, 2026    

     Now there is an American Pope from Chicago, who plays Wordle every morning at the Vatican. I keep composing this letter in my mind. Do I call him just Leo or maybe Mr. Leo, and what do I want to really say. Mostly about my childhood family and the 1940’s Irish missionary priests who we thought were wise. This is a work in progress.

     I sleep well last night finally.  Something has settled in my mind. Maybe the imaginary letter to Mr. Leo is helping. Foggy cold morning. In the 1940’s we would move to a cabin in Carmel Valley to escape the summer fog.

     The Timber fire in Big Sur is still out of control and moving. No new fires reported closer to Monterey. The roaring of cars is the background noise this morning. My close friends came for a visit yesterday.  As usual we talk about medicine and families. Luckily, we like the topic. We don’t talk about our cowardly incompetent president.

     We watch another episode of THE BOMBING OF Pan Am flight 103. I am intrigued with the investigation of the bombing. Several times I am close to tears.  We become frustrated with THE CAPTURE because season two has been moved from Prime to Peacock tv with ads. So sneaky. I am reading ISLANDS OF ABANDONMENT, NATURE REBOUNDING IN THE POST-HUMAN LANDSCAPE by Cal Flyn. A hopeful book.