Monday, May 12, 2025    

     I read yesterday’s New York Times paper edition in the morning after breakfast. When I was really sick, I waited for visitors to bring in the daily paper. The old paper’s breaking news stories are not a surprise. I enjoy the smaller human interest stories.

     My daughter asks what I want to do for Mother’s day.  She has lots of suggestions. We finally walk downtown in the late morning. The sidewalks are full of families waiting in line for brunch tables. Other families pushing baby carriages, dogs on leases and talking to each other. The Mother’s day crowd. I am so happy to see them all. I am exhausted when I get home.

     I am enjoying the French series REFORMED about a young woman rabbi.   The English dubbing is well done. No violence, no murders, no detectives.

     I start reading two books in the evening, but nope, not for me.  I have more books in the stack to search through. The friendly baker brings me home cooked bread and conversation.  The dog lover brings me walnut cookies and more conversation.  A very lucky day for me.

 

Sunday, May 11, 2025

     I wonder how my life would have been if I hadn’t become a mother at age 22. Birth control was not available until a few years later. As a Catholic I believed birth control was a huge sin. Women born in 1940 were too early for birth control and sexual experiences.  My friends 5 years younger lived in a different world of sex and birth control.

     Who are those folks here in town who share my birthdate of June 20. 1940. I940 was before antibiotics. before WW!!, and the holocaust, and the atom bombs, internet, wireless communication.  It is magic that information and ideas and pictures can circulate in the air from device to device.  A total mystery. My New York daughter can talk to me on this small device as if we are in the same room.

     I used to think that at some point I would receive an envelop with the answer to what our lives are really about. I am still waiting for the answers. Wise people tell me it is not the answers that are important, it is the questions.

     I finish reading WHEN A CROCODILE EATS THE SUN, a memoir by Peter Godwin. Such a good book.  I plan to read all his books. Maybe it is through reading books that I get a glimpse of what life is really about.

 

Saturday, May 10, 2025

     Sitting outside in the early evening, not quite dark, bright moon.  In the distance, car lights, sirens, an airplane landing, a solitary sea gull flying overhead, doors slamming, conversations.  The air feels so fresh.  I come back inside, close up windows, lock doors and settle into my bedroom recliner to read more WHEN A CROCODILE EATS THE SUN, by Peter Godwin, a memoir of dangerous times in Africa. 

     I play computer solitaire several times a day. The cards show me everything is uncertain and yet playable. I can’t predict which card will turn up next.

     Lately I have been exploring what I need to know to decide my future cancer treatments. When is it time to stop.  What are the different statistics for different treatments. Of course, the doctors have their good advice but it does come down to me to make the decisions. How much can I tolerate and how much is effective.

     I tell the tall man and the plant lover to not watch THIS IS GOING TO HURT, a sad, depressing series exploring the problems with the British medical system. This is the show to shock your friends.  Or maybe watching this show helps to learn our lives are not so tough.