Friday, November 13, 2026

     Cold damp morning. I sit for a moment in my blue recliner and then get up to turn on the heater, the new heater I bought a year ago. Immediately I worry about money, how to pay for heat this winter. I have free meals on wheels and now I wish there was a program called free heat on wheels. I almost qualify for the low income benefits for my utility bills. My biggest expense is medical supply bills and insurance.

     Out of town friends drop by for a visit. So exciting to see and talk with them. My roommate’s friends also come by. And the tall man comes by to see if we are affected by the temporary Microsoft Outlook shut down. Yep my old AOL email account is still working. The business and governments world is shut down. I write this pretending to understand how this all works.

     No plans for today, a day off to catch up on home chores. The bushes and trees are sparkling outside. Clouds and sunlight and a few showers.

     I didn’t read much on Thursday, still reading the same book. I should be able to finish it today. Reading library paper books is my job and I need to focus. There are some wonderful books just waiting for me on my dining room table. Washing dishes and folding laundry is my second job.

 

Thursday, November 12, 2026

     I wear flannel shirts every day which means that I am frequently pulling strands of hair from the fabric. Supposedly we shed about one hundred strands of hair a day.   Sometimes I notice the hair and most of the time I don’t. Where does all this loose hair go?

     I sit on the park bench and talk to an old friend Wednesday morning. We sit in the shade wearing our warm clothes. We talk about needing pockets in our clothes, about our social work former lives and life now. I love these leisurely chats as kids play on the climbing equipment and people walk their dogs.  The trees are happier after our first rain of the season.

     A flock of small birds is hanging around the neighborhood. I hope they stay for the season. We still have tomatoes in the garden, tomatoes and potatoes.

     We watch two episodes of NORTH BY NORTH, another reason to wear warm clothes. So much snow and ice, and beautiful furry jackets. A MAP OF THE FUTURE RUINS is a thoughtful painful look at the stories we create around immigrants and borders. I am waiting for the next political shoe to drop from the White house, more bombs or more ICE raids. Anything is possible and scary. We are not safe yet.

 

Wednesday, November 11, 2026

     Six years ago when I am 80 year old, I am diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and sent by ambulance to Stanford hospital ICU unit. The ER doctor says I am too sick for the local hospital and I could die. I am by myself in the ambulance with three ambulance guys. I am strapped on a gurney in the back with the nurse and an unreliable IV drip. Everyone wears masks (COVID time}. The trip is long and bumpy and loud. None of my family can come with me because of the epidemic.

     Tuesday afternoon we watch the crashing waves on the rocks. We drive around and talk and then stop for ice cream at the shack shop. Driving back to Monterey through Pacific Grove and over the hill I suddenly feel panicked. I am terrified We are going to have an accident and die. Too many cars are too close, we are driving too fast, everything is dangerous. I keep my eyes closed and try to be calm.

    I now realize this is a flashback to the long ambulance ride six years ago. Of course, I scare my roommate who is driving. I scare myself. I am so grateful for her kindness while driving me home safely.

     I continue to read A MAP OF FUTURE RUINS by Lauren Markham. Her family story of immigration and borders reminds me of my grandfather’s move from Italy to Arizona. In the evening we watch Monday night’s Jon Stewart on THE DAILY SHOW. He is so clever and funny. Of course Jon Stewart’s humor is a tonic for our political times.