Wednesday, August 19, 2026

     My three middle aged kids are going to be in town this weekend, first time in many years. They are in their 60’s. They were bright and challenging teenagers. So hard to know what they were up to. Each had unique issues, and now they are creative loving folks.  How did that happen. It felt like it was just me struggling to keep them alive during those teenage and young adult years.

     In the afternoon I play computer solitaire. Not sure why I like it so much.  Each turn of the card is unexpected, sort of like raising kids. Each card is a possibility of winning in the end or hitting an insurmountable block. And the game goes on until it is over. It reflects the human life of possibility and uncertainty.

     I complete an insurance survey about my experiences with medical care in the last 5 years. The questions reminds me that I have been very sick for 5 years, surgeries, cancers, chemo therapies, immunotherapies, scans, blood draws, emergency waiting rooms, ambulances, and most of all, old age. And I am still alive.

     The sun shines in the early afternoon, and then wind and fog return. No news of the Big Sur fire today. The deck sunflower keeps watching me through the kitchen window. I am now reading Jane Harper’s new book, LAST ONE OUT. The cleaners and two old friends of my roommate come to help put the house in order. They have known each other since childhood. Life is good.

 

Tuesday, August 18, 2026

     Sunday was unexpectedly busy. A close friend came by and we had an intense conversation. Family members stopped by to check in after a long vacation.  The young poet who has a bedroom at my house, was ready for coffee and talk early in the morning. The bread baker came by with a fresh loaf of special bread. She and my roommate spent time in the garden talking plants and dirt. I am not complaining, just surprised. My roommate was intensely busy with her projects.

     Car week is over.  Two visiting friends are adamant that it is a disgrace to let the community be overrun with thousands of loud cars and crowds. Of course I stay home and I just listen to the sounds and check out pictures on facebook. There is some benefit in being home bound.

     My PT friend showed me some new exercises to deal with my curb fear. Easy tapping my foot on a low stair. Hard to believe but I am desperate and will try it. This morning, I hear the garbage trucks lumbering up the street. I am grateful for their work in removing my garbage and trash every week.

     I am watching GOOD MEDICINE on Netflix, a show that imitates the old British show Doc Martin. I have grown to like the cranky middle aged doctor. I am reading the collection of essays by Rachel Aviw, STRANGERS TO OURSELVES, UNSETTLED MINDS AND THE STORIES THAT MAKE US. I love it. The losing war in the Middle East is endless.

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Monday, August 17, 2026

     Just cold fog all Saturday. Sigh. I go through my regular routine of meals and sitting in my recliner reading. I start doing the PT exercises I learned last summer before my bout with sepsis.  The sign of improvement is not being afraid of curbs.  Being able to just step up or step down on the curb without fear of falling.

     The gigantic sunflower continues to monitor my every movement from the kitchen window. This flower is my friend. My windows are dirty. I am looking for a recommendation for a window washer.

     The house is quiet most of the afternoon.  My roommate is out to her different events. This morning the young poet’s room door is closed. She must have arrived last night after I was asleep. A friend is coming to visit later in the morning. I want to talk to him about this book I am reading THE MEDICAL ETHIC. We both like to talk about our medical conditions.

     I watch the last sad episode of THE BOMBING OF PAN AM 103. And then we tried a new show MAXIMUM PLEASURE GUARANTEED. First episode was lively and distressing.   Didn’t watch any news stories.  Maybe all is well or maybe I just don’t know.