Wednesday, January 21, 2026

     The red cards are my favorite in the online solitaire game. The red cards signify hope that I will win the game.  The black cards challenge the hope. I have favorite trees, houses, people, cars. I have preferences with everything. Must be part of being human, the constant search for the red cards.

     After leaving my roommate off at her medical appointment I park at San Carlos Beach. Very few cars and people. The ocean is steel gray and flat. No boats or whales or birds. Several single people with dogs walk through the park. I sit in the car listening to a podcast on books to read this winter.  Immediately, I want to buy these books. The desire is so strong, I don’t want to miss out on something good and important.

     My favorite comfort TV series is the motorcycle trips by two middle aged guys. I am in the middle of their trip through Africa, LONG WAY DOWN. Don’t know why I like it so much. Maybe it is the red card phenomena.

     I am still reading IMPOSSIBLE OWLS, essays by Brian Phillips. I do my chair yoga routine in the morning and the deck walking in the afternoon. And of course the flow of scary violent news is part of my life.

 

Tuesday, January 20, 2026

     A close friend is ill, maybe dying. My mind fills with memories of all the people I have known in the last 85 years.  And yet each friendship seemed permanent. They come and go, and I am sad and surprised. These crowds of folks are alive in my mind.  Life is such a mystery. I just don’t understand where everyone is.

     I am also confused about our country, about Trump and his destruction of our country. Is it dangerous to even talk about Trump?  The news reports are dreadful and scary and yet my neighborhood is quiets and peaceful for now at least. Birds, trees, cars, school kids, old folks., flowers.  My roommate is intensely committed to protecting our democracy and our human lives. I just don’t understand what is happening.

     In the evening, we watch two more episodes of THE BIG “C” on Netflix. Such a compelling show about a family.  The mother has cancer and is dying and yet the show is funny and well written and poignant. I just don’t understand how they create an interesting family series with cancer.

     The message to my self is, I don’t have to understand, I just have to live my life, and pay attention. Life happens and is just not understandable. It is ok to feel happiness in the midst of sadness and pain. Sigh.

 

 Monday, January 19, 2026

     Last night we found a great show on Britbox, THE RIOT WOMEN, Middle age women finding a life for themselves by starting a punk rock band. Created by the same women who produced HAPPY VALLEY. We watch while we eat our diners. Lots of humor and poignancy.

     The tall man picks up my car this morning for an appointment with a mechanic who works on old Hondas. I am so excited.

     The days continue to be warm and fog free. The nights are cold. The rock roses in the front yard are now blooming. I am continuing to do my daily 30 minute chair yoga exercises. It has been three months now so I guess I will continue. I woke up in the middle of the night worrying I had made a mistake postponing my chemo treatments.

     I am reading GIRL WAITS WITH GUN by Amy Stewart, the first of a series of mystery stories with three sisters. I was slow to appreciate the novel, but now, I have put a hold on the next book in the series.