Wednesday, December 3, 2025

     I am awake at 4am, tense, filled with worries.  It is cold and my body itches. I need to use the bathroom. I just lie in bed without the gumption to do something. Finally, I get up, turn on a light, start up the heater, put anti itch cream on the needy parts of my body, use the bathroom. I return to my room, turn off the light, straighten up the crumbled blankets and climb back into bed. I don’t remember what happens next.

     I have an appointment with my primary doctor next week. I am rehearsing what to say to him. My body’s health concerns are divided among three doctors and I am frequently unsure who does what. It feels like over kill. Who is going to help me with my itchy skin? Is it a side effect from the 19 chemo treatments I have had? What about monitoring possible UTI”s to keep from getting sepsis again. What about the fatigue I feel, old age or sickness? I suppose I am lucky to have three doctors even if they don’t work together.

     In the morning, I sit in the cool sun talking to a good friend on the phone. The voices of the high school drift up to the deck. I used to avoid talking on the phone but now it is OK.

     I am settled into reading a COVID time memoir, RAISING HARE by Chloe Dalton. Delightful and upbeat.  No murders or detectives here. Also, I am back to reading David Abram’s nonfiction book, THE SPELL OF THE SENSUOUS, Perception and Language in a More Then Human World. My reading life has improved.