Thursday, November 6, 2025

     Being incontinent is a difficult side effect from bladder cancer treatments. I constantly look for better ways to manage the problem. The supplies are varied and expensive.  I look for the best that is not too expensive and doesn’t damage me. Amazon has been helpful in ordering different supplies. None of my three doctors or the emergency room or the hospital have helped me.  I am really on my own during these last five years.

     I tell the oncologist about the new expensive beds in the hospital. They feel alive, slowly shifting movements in the mattress. And many alarms and impossible to reach controls for the patient. I think I am having deliriums. Finally, an aid tells me they are new expensive beds, created to prevent bed sores.  The doctor laughs, he sat on two beds last week talking to patients and really loud alarms blasted bring in nurses to the room.  He thought he had done something wrong.

     No storm yesterday.  Lots of winds, and pine needles dropping to the ground, and clouds in the sky. By the end of the day the neighborhood is quiet and a huge moon appears in the sky. My bedroom is flooded with moon light most of the night.

     I am living alone for a week as my charming roommate is back east visiting relatives. The house is quiet and I am adjusting.