I drove to the new shopping center at Fort Ord this dreary wet morning. Huge empty parking lot, large box stores. I walked through the new REI but felt uncomfortable as the only customer in the store. The stores are spaced around the expansive empty lot encouraging one to drive from store to store. It feels old and used before it's first birthday.

Three blue herons in the trees this morning. Getting ready to nest.

Another cold night, snow on top to Mount Toro. Drove to Juice and Java in Pacific Grove to get warm and read the paper and drink coffee. All bad news in the paper about the US economy tanking.

The coffee house was populated with other people reading the paper and getting warm, people without jobs and have free time on a week day morning. I didn't know anyone and resisted the urge to start community building in the room.

stormy day. Thick black clouds interspersed with sun light. Sitting at the table with friends at the PG club house my eye would be caught by the delicate puff of spray near the ocean shore. Whales. It's whale time as the puffs went off following their own pattern.

We talked about the upcoming election and who to vote for. And then a couple of puffs. What to do about Iraq, the falling stock market, corruption, the fears of living on a fixed income, more puffs in the twinkling sunlight and then cloud shadows.

It's all here, fierce beauty and fear and not knowing what to do next.

Puff, Puff,

This morning I drive to Carmel Valley for a meeting, Dark cold morning. I marvel at the winter bare limbs of the Valley trees.

At home in the late afternoon I sit zazen in my room, sounds of the heater going. then I hear raindrops on the glass ceiling. Good, I don't have to take a walk today. I can read and watch movies. Tomorrow I will walk again downtown, if it is not raining.

For months now I have been slowly reading Stephen Pinker's THE STUFF OF THOUGHTS. A thick book exploring how our mind works by exploring how we use language.

I read a few pages and then have to stop and think about what I have read. What does this all mean. I want to copy pages out of the book to send to friends because it is so exciting. I want to talk about it but I can't find the words to express my thoughts.

But I am not giving up even thought I am only on page 192 (out of 470 pages).

Maybe I could understand it better if I read it all at one time, I could see the connections rather then the wonderful little observations about how we use language.

I just don't know.

I'm at the Hospital by 10 am to do my chaplain rounds. I pick up my name badge and suddenly I am a part of the team. Other people with badges nod at me as I walk down the long corridors.

I see how quickly I change my role in the hospital with a small badge. There are two groups of people in the hospital, the visitors - patients and the staff. It's more fun to be staff.

When I am done, I return my badge to the chaplain drawer and walk out, once more a part of the other community.

Tied to the end of the pier is the old rusting commercial fishing boat, one of the biggest in the harbor. It's listing to one side and no one seems to notice except for the collection of pelicans and gulls who are circling the boat. Several trucks and working men are busy doing something else and the boat waits to sink.

It's cool this afternoon but not too cool for a mango orange gelato from Pino's in the plaza. UMMMM. I sit on the bench wrapped in my warm jacket licking the gelato, watching the people rush by.