Parked near Lovers Point in Pacific Grove this morning waiting for the clock to move faster. I was early. I pulled out my iphone and there is was an open internet connection, an unguarded wifi. So I checked my email and listen to some music on pandora. I wish I knew who I should thank for this gift of internet space.

Took a long nap this afternoon, just didn't want to get up. cool overcast sky. Was up early for morning zazen at the Cherry Center in Carmel.

Working on a project of exploring the issues around homelessness for single older women. We are just beginning this work, don't know where it is going.

As I am typing on my little net book I see how dirty the screen is. full of spots and drips and finger prints and dust. I wonder how to clean it. Maybe I should just buy a new one so I don't have to figure out how to wash it. Not such a great idea.

warm balmy day. Enticed the kids away from their computers for lunch on Cannery Row. They whinned and complained at first and then finally we broke through the trance and laughed. The ocean was sparkling, the sky blue. But as soon as we got home the computer were back on.

I lost the sense of time. Two grandchildren are visiting. One is a chatterbox, the other is stoic. Finally they are off to school this morning and I can find my way back to myself.

What was it that I so wanted to do?

Saw a great blue heron sitting on top of the redwood tree in the gully. It is time for them to return and rebuild their nests. see him sitting there just gladdened my heart.

Went downtown and walked the whole length of Avarado St, 20 minutes it took. Part of my plan to increase exercise in reclaiming walking.

Went to Denney's for lunch today, looking for comfort food and there it was. I do like going to Denney's. Had a hamburger and fries and water. I have given up drinking cokes most of the time. Ummm really good.

Then went home and took a nap. I guess you can say that I didn't do much today.

Distracted myself with TV. Watched the third episode of Downton Abbey. It is so easy to get caught up in their beautiful complicated lives. Of course the plot left me hanging for another week to see how it all turns out. I am always looking for some good ending. Everything ends well doesn't it?

Sometimes I am so tired I can hardly move.

Stopped off at Asilomar Beach before meeting friends for dinner. Glassy wet sands, rolling waves, low tide, clusters of shore birds picking at the edges of the water. several people scattered across the long beach. dusk.

I had my window rolled down. It was almost as good as walking on the beach.

My sister and I spent the day talking about death and our family. We are no ways close to understanding any of this.

Windyrainy storm but not so cold.

The new semester's writing circle started today. 14 people showed up most wanting to read something. we each had ten minutes. I read a piece and then listened to twelve other pieces. I have lost the pattern of writing every day. Need to start up again. I love these writes.

Spent the day quietly as I thought about my lost nephew. So sad to lose someone so young. Even though the sun shone all day my heart just wasn't into it. Night time is better for how I feel.

I spent an hour this morning at the Del Monte Ave. McDonald's. I had finished my workout at the Sport Center and had time before a meeting. Felt I was in an older men's club. I was the only woman customer. Lots of guys talking with each other.

I read the newspaper slowly and wished I was with a bunch of bright articulate women. I wish it was my club house.

I always feel a little guilty going to McDonalds. It is so politically incorrect.

Even though the sun is out, it is cold today. I am sitting in my room shivering. Finally I turned on the heater and am slowly warming up.

Less traffic on the raad. It's a holiday, need to do something fun.

I was sitting at the Barnyard Center coffee house in Carmel trying to write. Two women on the other side of the room were talking. They were oblivious to how loud they sounded and how intimate the conversation. I got to hear who they disliked, what school they taught in, their complaints about everything. I resisted the urge to go over and let them know. Everyone in the coffee house could hear them talk. It was difficult to write.

The cat must have snuck in while the front door was open during the warm afternoon. It was dark and cold when I first saw him creep down the hall. I called to him. I know this cat, the orange wild cat form the neighborhood. I could not get the cat near the door . I decided to leave him be until morning. Several time during the night I heard the meowing in the hall. At day break, I opened the front door and he was wiling to saunter out the door.

I saw a man shaving and driving his car this morning. He was driving right by me. He was working on his upper lib. YUCKY. So dangerous.

I was going to meet a friend for lunch and then she cancelled but I still went out my myself. First I went to Lou Lou's on the wharf but they were closed for the week, then I went to the pub but no one noticed me so finally I went to the Sand Piper and had a mediocre hamburger and fries. Got to read my newspaper. it would have been more fun with a friend.

Just received in the mail the new book by Pico Iyer called THE MAN WITHIN MY HEAD. I love his books. so now it is on top of my very crowed table to read in the evening. Too many books but I just can't resist.

I have developed some skills with pandora radio on my ipone. During my treadmill walk I listened to Patsy Cline and during the bicycle I listened to Leonard Cohen. I go three times a week to the Sports Center. Each time I start planning on what station to listen to. What a treat to have so many choice. Of course I still don't much like the exercise part but it is helping to relearn to walk.

What to say, what to say. The day was good. the moon is out aging tonight flooding the neighborhood with light. I watered the yard. everything is so dry. I am waiting for rain.

Warm day today. Had the front door open all afternoon. The neighbor's 10 year old boy was going up and down the street on crutches. When I asked him he said that he broke his foot. I sighed and then he laughed. He was joking. He liked using his neighbors crutches. I wanted to scold him for scaring me but I laughed with him. I hope he never really needs crutches,

At dawn and dusk today I got a glimpse of the crows on the move to and from their roosting place. The neighbors watering system leaks water on to the street much to the delight of the birds. the birds bathe and play in the puddles. They have tried unsuccessfully to fix these leaks. I am rooting for them to continue creating puddles for the birds.

Saw a dead deer on the side of the road going up Pacific Street. Got to watch out for these deers.

I slept for eleven hours last night, eleven hours of deep sleep. I felt so good this morning.

The moon is now shinning through my skylight on to my bed. I don't think it will keep me awake tonight. I am on a roll.

Another sunny day. We must be heading into a drought. This is January, we need to suffer with rain and storms and thunder and lightening. but no we have warmth and flowers. the acacia trees are about to burst into gorgeous yellow blossoms.

I still haven't had a hard storm to test out my new roof. I am waiting.

It's cold this morning but I sense that the sun wll be out and we will be warm by afternoon. My family is now all gone and my house is empty. It always takes time to find my place again. I like being alone and I love my family visits.

Sitting in my bedroom at dusk, listening to the neighbors drag out their garbage bins for tomorrow's pick up. Crows are flying overhead going to Jack's peak.

I have some extra cardboard boxes to dispose of. I wonder if anyone has room in their garbage cans. Do I have to ask or can I just go outside in the dark and add my garbage. UMMMMMM.

Warm day. Opened the doors and window to air out the cooking and fireplace smells that had accumulated over the last week. I showed the younger children the scented geraniums in the garden. See these are not eaten by the tribe of deer that live in the gully. They eat everything else. Somehow it didn't seem significant to these young kids.