Thursday, December 31, 2009

New years Eve. We are all getting ready to go to dinner at my son's house. We are all tired and a bit crabby. Old patterns of misunderstandings are arising. I am driving my own car.

Went to see the movie, THE BROTHERS this afternoon. I got up and left early, too much violence. I waited for the others outside.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The house is quiet for a few minutes. Everyone is off to their own activities and I get to stay home and take a nap and play on my computer.

A load of laundry has just started up.

Maybe I will read for awhile, maybe nap or talk on the phone.

Endless possibilities.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The two little boys were up early, they are on Texas time. Finally I had to get up to see what they were up to. Laughing and giggling. Why did it sounded like bowling balls hitting the floor.

I drank some coffee and wondered about life and how hard it is to be a human being.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Long day with thethe young children. I am tired. rain continues. Saw UP IN THE AIR yesterday afternoon and really liked it.

Now it is time for early to bed.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Drove to a party to Carmel Valley last night in the rain, lots of rain. the hardest part of driving in the rain is the multiple light reflections on the pavement, red, yellows, whites all glowing and shimmering across the road.

I had to keep attentive so I didn't fall under the spell of the light show.

Coming home was easier, the rain had stopped.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

I just finished reading LIT, a memoir by Mary Karr. I found myself arguing with her, questioning her and ultimately not much liking the book.

I had loved her first book, THE LIARS, CLUB. This book is about recovery and how she became a Catholic. I suspect other will like it a lot.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas eve waiting. waiting for the folks to show up. waiting for the dinner, waiting for the sun to go down.

the air is cool and crisp but already I saw two trees beginning to bloom.

Spring can't wait until January.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Went to the movies this afternoon in spite of the sun being out. The movie THE MESSENGER had been praised by several friends.

I saw in the Coast weekly that it was leaving on Friday so it was now or never.

The young man selling the tickets said it was a really great movie.

The five of us in the theater all loved it, if love is the right word.

More we were all moved and somber by the time it was over.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Got my car washed today. I was with the 8 year old girl and the 9 year old boy who were teasing each other endlessly.

When we drove away from the car wash the screaming was getting to me. I pulled over and yelled at them.

They were startled and then quiet. we drove on in quiet until a new eruption of loud noises came from the back seat.

I don't seem to tolerate noise so well.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Rainy day. Spent an hour at Physical therapy working my sore shoulder. No pain, no gain.

I am finally beginning to understand what this means.

I keep reminding myself to just do what you are told and practice being patient.

In six months I will know if it helps.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Driving up Pacific street I see three police cars with their sirens and lights on. And then from a side street a white car races out slamming into the curb, bouncing across the center line, out of control. The car misses me and another car.

The police start chaising and they all disappear up the hillside. I am stunned.

I could have died.

But I didn't this time. whew.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I can't always tell which nights I will not be able to go to sleep. After an hour in bed I get up, get a snack and wrap myself in a blanket and read for
awhile, sometimes a long while until I am once again ready to climb back into my now cold bed and start over.

Friday, December 18, 2009

This morning at Juice and Java in Pacific Grove was noisy, too noisy.

A group of friends were celebrating gift giving for Christmas with screaming, shouting and loud laughter. Too much for me.

When they finally left the place became warm and quiet, my favorite.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Driving to pick up the kids from school this afternoon in Seaside I see a truck on fire, fire engine's racing to the scene.

The gas has leaked onto the ground under the truck and is in flames.

I move to the other side of the street to avoid any explosion. None happens. The firemen are able to put out the fire and the cars move forward.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I keep putting off doing my physical therapy exercises during the day until I just stop and do them. The body hurts when I do them just as the therapist said it would if I want to get better.

I have washed my socks, a week is too long to keep wearing them.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The sun came out briefly this afternoon. I took a piece of godiva chocolate from the huge box I received as a gift from a secret admirer and sat in the sun.

Warm sun and then the clouds returned and I moved back inside.

Tomorrow there may be more sun.

Monday, December 14, 2009

went to my first physical therapy session to work on my sore shoulder. After all the stress and movement I had electrical impulse treatment for 15 minutes. And then an ice pack.

Tomorrow I start doing the exercises daily, heat before and ice afterwords. I think I have it.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I recently bought two pairs of smart wool socks. They are expensive. The cutting edge question with my family was how many days can you wear socks before you have to wash them.

My brother says that we wash our clothes too often, Maybe up to a week with the same socks.

Others shrugged and said yuck, only one day and then they need to be washed.

I will keep wearing them and smelling them until I know for sure.

So I wore mine for three days and still they don't smell. My brother did the same.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I'm just about ready to start my drive to Bolinas to spend the weekend with my brother and sister.

This is my first long trip in my new Honda Element. I am ready.

I have packed several books for the trip and also some clothes.

Maybe I will just sit here in my chair for a bit longer before I actually pack up the car.

I will be back Sunday evening.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Another cold day. Early morning zazen. I am so grateful for the heaters we have. What would it be like without heat.

Am going to Bolinas for the weekend. Will be back Sunday night.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Took the eight year old girl and the nine year old boy to see the Fantastic Mr. Fox at the movies. It was the 12:50 show, kids were out of school early.

We were the only people in the theater. we sat in the back row and kept making a lot of noise.

It was a very good movie.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Went to get my hair cut at Super cuts in Sand City as usual. Today there were a bunch of men having their hair cut.

They talked up a storm while the women cut their hair. Stories about their father in the 196o's, about home repairs they have done, about toys for children.

I was surprised that men too were seduces by a person working on their heads, warm air, soft touches, water. It was all very sweet.

Monday, December 7, 2009

I have a friend named Patrick who has a professional job, is bright and thoughtful. And yet his old jetta car is horrible, piled with junk and a multi cracked windshield.

He has been driving with this cracked windshield for years. Isn't it illegal to have a cracked windshield.

I wish it didn't bother me so much.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The clouds are gathering, the storm is coming. I just can't get my house and body warm.

Just ordered smart wool socks from on line. Hope they come soon.

Going to the movies this afternoon. Hope their heater is working well.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Am carrying the Hospital chaplain beeper for three days, not unusual but still I feel confined in what I do because the beeper can go off at any time.

I have been called twice today and drove to the hospital to do what they asked.

Even though it feels intrusive to have this beeper still it is always interesting to walk into an unknown medical situation and figure out what to do next.

So I have no complaints at all.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I just watched a documentary film on Pete Seeger. I am so touched by his singing and his presence in the world. His music was such a part of my early life.

Here he is in his eighties, just as alive as ever.

Seeing him reminds me that there is hope in this world.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

It feels like I am preparing for a slow trip to old age. I recently noticed that my bathroom floor was slippery when I was walking in my socks so I put down strips of duck tape to make it more secure.

Then I put in a night light in the bathroom for the times I have to get up in the middle of the night.

Now I am looking at my living r9om. What will trip me up?

I have seen too many broken hips at the hospital lately.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The neighbors are rebuilding the road behind my house. All day constructions sound blast though my thin walls and single pane windows.

I can hardly wait until the work days ends and I can feel the quiet return to my house and body.

I am glad they have jobs and the road is being repaired but the noise is too much.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

After a morning of focused attention on getting a bunch of things completed I sat down to read the paper. There were many obituaries printed.

I checked their names and the information about their lives and of course, are they older then me or younger.

At some point my name will be there. Can I understand that. No, it doesn't seem real.