Thursday, December 31, 2009

New years Eve. We are all getting ready to go to dinner at my son's house. We are all tired and a bit crabby. Old patterns of misunderstandings are arising. I am driving my own car.

Went to see the movie, THE BROTHERS this afternoon. I got up and left early, too much violence. I waited for the others outside.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The house is quiet for a few minutes. Everyone is off to their own activities and I get to stay home and take a nap and play on my computer.

A load of laundry has just started up.

Maybe I will read for awhile, maybe nap or talk on the phone.

Endless possibilities.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The two little boys were up early, they are on Texas time. Finally I had to get up to see what they were up to. Laughing and giggling. Why did it sounded like bowling balls hitting the floor.

I drank some coffee and wondered about life and how hard it is to be a human being.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Long day with thethe young children. I am tired. rain continues. Saw UP IN THE AIR yesterday afternoon and really liked it.

Now it is time for early to bed.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Drove to a party to Carmel Valley last night in the rain, lots of rain. the hardest part of driving in the rain is the multiple light reflections on the pavement, red, yellows, whites all glowing and shimmering across the road.

I had to keep attentive so I didn't fall under the spell of the light show.

Coming home was easier, the rain had stopped.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

I just finished reading LIT, a memoir by Mary Karr. I found myself arguing with her, questioning her and ultimately not much liking the book.

I had loved her first book, THE LIARS, CLUB. This book is about recovery and how she became a Catholic. I suspect other will like it a lot.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas eve waiting. waiting for the folks to show up. waiting for the dinner, waiting for the sun to go down.

the air is cool and crisp but already I saw two trees beginning to bloom.

Spring can't wait until January.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Went to the movies this afternoon in spite of the sun being out. The movie THE MESSENGER had been praised by several friends.

I saw in the Coast weekly that it was leaving on Friday so it was now or never.

The young man selling the tickets said it was a really great movie.

The five of us in the theater all loved it, if love is the right word.

More we were all moved and somber by the time it was over.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Got my car washed today. I was with the 8 year old girl and the 9 year old boy who were teasing each other endlessly.

When we drove away from the car wash the screaming was getting to me. I pulled over and yelled at them.

They were startled and then quiet. we drove on in quiet until a new eruption of loud noises came from the back seat.

I don't seem to tolerate noise so well.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Rainy day. Spent an hour at Physical therapy working my sore shoulder. No pain, no gain.

I am finally beginning to understand what this means.

I keep reminding myself to just do what you are told and practice being patient.

In six months I will know if it helps.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Driving up Pacific street I see three police cars with their sirens and lights on. And then from a side street a white car races out slamming into the curb, bouncing across the center line, out of control. The car misses me and another car.

The police start chaising and they all disappear up the hillside. I am stunned.

I could have died.

But I didn't this time. whew.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I can't always tell which nights I will not be able to go to sleep. After an hour in bed I get up, get a snack and wrap myself in a blanket and read for
awhile, sometimes a long while until I am once again ready to climb back into my now cold bed and start over.

Friday, December 18, 2009

This morning at Juice and Java in Pacific Grove was noisy, too noisy.

A group of friends were celebrating gift giving for Christmas with screaming, shouting and loud laughter. Too much for me.

When they finally left the place became warm and quiet, my favorite.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Driving to pick up the kids from school this afternoon in Seaside I see a truck on fire, fire engine's racing to the scene.

The gas has leaked onto the ground under the truck and is in flames.

I move to the other side of the street to avoid any explosion. None happens. The firemen are able to put out the fire and the cars move forward.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I keep putting off doing my physical therapy exercises during the day until I just stop and do them. The body hurts when I do them just as the therapist said it would if I want to get better.

I have washed my socks, a week is too long to keep wearing them.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The sun came out briefly this afternoon. I took a piece of godiva chocolate from the huge box I received as a gift from a secret admirer and sat in the sun.

Warm sun and then the clouds returned and I moved back inside.

Tomorrow there may be more sun.

Monday, December 14, 2009

went to my first physical therapy session to work on my sore shoulder. After all the stress and movement I had electrical impulse treatment for 15 minutes. And then an ice pack.

Tomorrow I start doing the exercises daily, heat before and ice afterwords. I think I have it.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I recently bought two pairs of smart wool socks. They are expensive. The cutting edge question with my family was how many days can you wear socks before you have to wash them.

My brother says that we wash our clothes too often, Maybe up to a week with the same socks.

Others shrugged and said yuck, only one day and then they need to be washed.

I will keep wearing them and smelling them until I know for sure.


So I wore mine for three days and still they don't smell. My brother did the same.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I'm just about ready to start my drive to Bolinas to spend the weekend with my brother and sister.

This is my first long trip in my new Honda Element. I am ready.

I have packed several books for the trip and also some clothes.

Maybe I will just sit here in my chair for a bit longer before I actually pack up the car.

I will be back Sunday evening.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Another cold day. Early morning zazen. I am so grateful for the heaters we have. What would it be like without heat.

Am going to Bolinas for the weekend. Will be back Sunday night.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Took the eight year old girl and the nine year old boy to see the Fantastic Mr. Fox at the movies. It was the 12:50 show, kids were out of school early.

We were the only people in the theater. we sat in the back row and kept making a lot of noise.

It was a very good movie.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Went to get my hair cut at Super cuts in Sand City as usual. Today there were a bunch of men having their hair cut.

They talked up a storm while the women cut their hair. Stories about their father in the 196o's, about home repairs they have done, about toys for children.

I was surprised that men too were seduces by a person working on their heads, warm air, soft touches, water. It was all very sweet.

Monday, December 7, 2009

I have a friend named Patrick who has a professional job, is bright and thoughtful. And yet his old jetta car is horrible, piled with junk and a multi cracked windshield.

He has been driving with this cracked windshield for years. Isn't it illegal to have a cracked windshield.

I wish it didn't bother me so much.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The clouds are gathering, the storm is coming. I just can't get my house and body warm.

Just ordered smart wool socks from on line. Hope they come soon.

Going to the movies this afternoon. Hope their heater is working well.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Am carrying the Hospital chaplain beeper for three days, not unusual but still I feel confined in what I do because the beeper can go off at any time.

I have been called twice today and drove to the hospital to do what they asked.

Even though it feels intrusive to have this beeper still it is always interesting to walk into an unknown medical situation and figure out what to do next.

So I have no complaints at all.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I just watched a documentary film on Pete Seeger. I am so touched by his singing and his presence in the world. His music was such a part of my early life.

Here he is in his eighties, just as alive as ever.

Seeing him reminds me that there is hope in this world.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

It feels like I am preparing for a slow trip to old age. I recently noticed that my bathroom floor was slippery when I was walking in my socks so I put down strips of duck tape to make it more secure.

Then I put in a night light in the bathroom for the times I have to get up in the middle of the night.

Now I am looking at my living r9om. What will trip me up?

I have seen too many broken hips at the hospital lately.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The neighbors are rebuilding the road behind my house. All day constructions sound blast though my thin walls and single pane windows.

I can hardly wait until the work days ends and I can feel the quiet return to my house and body.

I am glad they have jobs and the road is being repaired but the noise is too much.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

After a morning of focused attention on getting a bunch of things completed I sat down to read the paper. There were many obituaries printed.

I checked their names and the information about their lives and of course, are they older then me or younger.

At some point my name will be there. Can I understand that. No, it doesn't seem real.

Monday, November 30, 2009

There was a pale white moon in the blue sky late this afternoon. A full moon and it wasn't yet dark. The moon hovered low in the sky.

Now it is dark and the moonlight fills the air.

I am encouraged by the steadiness of the moon's presence. It knows just what to do and doesn't try to do more.

I don't think the moon ever gets tired.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


Driving ot Santa Cruz I see that most of the fields are plowed but not planted, Long rows of soil, huge empty fields.

I wonder if this is unusual. I don't remember seeing this before, as if the farmers have gone on strike or vacation.

I hope they come back. I like food.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I had a second Thanksgiving dinner with my son's family tonight. Turkey, potatoes, salad, stuffing, gravy and a bunch of leftovers to take home.


The two kids were excited and demanded a lot of attention. I don't know how adults have conversations when young kids are around.

Back to my quiet house and my boring life.

Friday, November 27, 2009

My sister and I went ot see an afternoon showing of OLD DOGS. We laughed a lot but it was a pretty mediocre movie.

And then we went to Fifi's for our usual French diner.

We didn't run out of things to talk about. We actually had quite interesting conversations.

I like both my sisters.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Went to Whole Foods this morning to pick up some Thanksgiving food. Yes I know today is Thanksgiving.

The store was busy and friendly. Plenty of parking. Maybe it is good to not plan ahead. I couldn't decide whether we were going out for dinner or staying at home.

I still haven't decided.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My friend Tasha made a yummy pancake breakfast this morning in Carmel Highlands. We sat and ate and talked. And then I had to get home for a sewing student.

This evening I went to see the movie THE EDUCATION. I liked it.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The last of my chores this morning was to go to
Whole foods to pick up some supplies. I wasn't thinking.

At 11am there were crowds of women shopping for the holidays, mothers with little kids and lists trying to find what they need with out loosing the kids.
Noise, ailses blocked with carts, long lines at the check out counters.

I fought my way through joining the crowd of pushy old ladies determined to squeeze through.

I was glad to get home.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Hue waves along Pacific Grove waterfront. Went to the Golf course cafe to meet friends for lunch. Hadn't been there for at least a year. Waitress remembered us and gave us a big hug and extra food.

We talked the foibles of getting old, forgetting things, not understanding what is going on. Three of us are turning 70 in 2010. That does sound so old.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

We had about an hour of sunshine this afternoon in between clouds and cold wind.

I grabbed a book and made tea and sat our in the front yard sunning myself. Birds, bees were busy.

A peacefulness settled on me until the clouds returned.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


I am now reading another book that I am intrigue with, THE AGE OF WONDER, How the romantic generation discovered the beauty and terror of science, by Richard Holmes.

I like Homes' writing and I like the history of the 18th century and how it effects us now. It's a long book and I have it for two weeks from the library.

Friday, November 20, 2009

I really had planned to drive down to Big Sur today, yep, so I went around with my chores, buying food for tonight's dinner, taking library books back, filling up the car with gas.

Then I was tired and went home.

Rain started.

So next week, yep next week I will drove to Big Sur. Yep.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The mouse problem is only getting worse. Yesterday afternoon as I was cooking a spaghetti sauce I notice that there was a mouse sitting on a pile of napkins in the corner watching me cook.

I had a choice of freaking out or enjoying the friendship of the mouse.

I finished cooking and then we caught the mouse and took him out to the back yard.

I think he is the last of the bunch, I hope.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Got the swine flu shot this morning from CHOMP. It's given free to staff and volunteers. So in Two weeks I will be protected. It takes that long to be effective.

I finished reading Hilary Mantell's WOLF HALL. It is a long book and took me a while to get into it. Now that I finished it a few days ago I still feel caught in the drama and times. Powerful book.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Went for my regular medical appointment at the local family practice clinic. The lobby was filled with parents And kids and some of the kids looked sick.

I froze up in fear that I was going to catch the swine flu and I still haven't had the vaccine. I kept going to the sink and washing my hands.

Two hours later I was finished and once again I washed my hands.

Tomorrow for sure I will get the vaccine. I hate being so afraid.

Monday, November 16, 2009


This morning driving over the hill to Pacific Grove I saw a huge plume of smoke drifting in the sky. Fort ord was once again doing controlled burns and the smoke was not going out to sea.

I stopped at Trader Joe's and picked up a salad for lunch with friends. I have lunch with these friend frequently whether there is smoke in the sky or not.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Spent time by the ocean this afternoon writing to clarify what is upsetting me. Using a pen and words my mind settles down and I begin to feel whole again.

The fall shore birds were at the shore. The whole ocean was alive with activity.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Took a walk on the waterfront. Tiny jellyfish were floating just below the surface.

They looked like they each had a solitary eye looking out otf the water. It was eerie.

From every side of the wharf I would look down and there wer those eyes looking at me.

I wonder if they will be there tomorrow. I wonder what they really are.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I met my friend at Juice and Java this morning to write. First I got a hot chocolate and a bear claw. We talked and wrote the whole morning. We ended with pages of writing and a strong sense of friendship.

Juice and Java is great on a cold morning.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I pick up the two kids from school. They are taunting each other, calling each other names, feeling hurt and fighting back.

Finally I tell them to just be quiet. QUIET !!! and they mumble complaints.

Somedays I just don't understand why siblings tease each other so much. I want them to be NICE.

There must be some evolutionary advantage for kids to fight. Maybe.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


I am patiently waiting for a friend to arrive, well not so patiently. She is hours late but she keeps calling to let me know where she is.

It's dark now and cold. I wonder if she will actually arrive.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

For the last class we had to read one of our writings. I thought it would be easy. Pick out one I like and stand up in front of the class and read.

But I became self conscious and I started wanting mine to be the best.

There was no contest but still I wanted mine to be best so I mumbled and read too quickly and then it was over and it wasn't the best.

Oh well, next time.