Friday, February 29, 2008

This morning I went to the Safeway grocery store on top of Forest Ave in Pacific Grove. I was surprised to see that the produce department had lots of empty spaces on their shelves and displays. Also the grocery shelves were not filled.

Is this store closing?

Is this just the economy. Today is Friday. There should be plenty of food on the shelves.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

This afternoon I talked to both my daughters who live back East. I was sitting in my sun drenched living room and they talked about their cold snow filled lives.

It's the end of February and everyone is tired of the cold and snow. Yes I can understand and yet at that moment I was warm and flowers were blooming outside.

I am afraid to admit this, Maybe my luck would change and cold weather would return with a vengeance.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

another warm day. Doors and windows open to let in the new air. The old stale air needs to be refreshed in the sun. I wonder what it would be like to live in a smaller house.

I have so much stuff. I keep shifting piles from one table to another.

Spring is the time to lighten up, pack up stuff and take to goodwill. I hope I remember to do this now.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The garbage truck hit the thick hanging pine branch causing it to swing back and forth. I called the city park service and within the hour a truck and a man came up and tore the branch down and cut it up into pieces that fit his truck.

He said he would be back on Friday to cut off the rest of the dead limbs.

This tree shades my front door but is on city property.

I feel well cared for by the city.

Monday, February 25, 2008

so what is the meaning of life, Or is there a meaning to life? What happens after death? Why am I getting old when I feel young? What should I do next? and then what?

The sun is out, I've opened my doors and windows to let in new air into my life. The rain has made everything grow even the nasturtium seeds that I planted a month ago.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Lying in bed looking up at the ceiling at the retreat house I notice that there are nails poking out of the ceiling over my head. The roof nails are too long. I wonder how long they have been there and if anyone else has noticed.

Oh yes I am supposed to be doing something else. It's time to get up and sit on my cushion in front of a wall for the day and part of the evening and not think of the nails over my bed.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Packing up for a weekend silent meditation retreat at Villa Angelica. It's only about 6 miles from where I live and yet it feels like a long distance.

18 members of our zen center will spend the weekend together in silence.

We will sit meditation, walk, chant, eat , rest for two days. hurray.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Yesterday at the library I started reading a book, A SEASON IN HELL, a memoir by Marilyn French. I read at the Library, I read at home before dinner, I read after dinner and then this morning I read before going to the Cherry Center for meditation.

It was only when I finished that I realized I had read this book before when it first came out in 1998. It is still a compelling memoir of a woman surviving cancer and cancer treatment.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Early morning downpour of rain. Puddles in my driveway rimmed in yellow with acacia pollen.

Walking on the wharf I see that the mud plume in the ocean extends almost to the end of the wharf. the clouds move on and everything is radiant with moisture.

Birds everywhere.

Monday, February 18, 2008

yep, It's car trouble. at first I gave the critical eye to the car next to me at the stoplight. Why are they making so much noise. Slowly it dawned on me that my car's engine sounded like a trapped animal trying to get out.

I called my mechanic and his shop was open even though it is a holiday. I drove my car to the garage, after all it wasn't overheating and none of the warming lights were on and it was actually running. I pretended no one was looking at me.

Something about the water pump and a belt. It's fixable and costly.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Homer Winslow

I'm carrying the Hospital chaplain beeper for twenty four hours. I never quite get used to it.

One early morning beep. I dress in my somber clothes and drive up to the hospital parking lot. Lots of parking places on a Sunday morning. I check in for my badge and my packet of information. I am ready for whatever comes up.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

wall of bananas

I drove to Moss landing for lunch today. Bright warm sunshine. Everywhere there were splashes of yellow, acacia trees and wild mustard plants.

Along the roadway, in the artichoke fields, on the center divide. Yellow mustard plants. This is the season for yellow .

In town pink predominates with flowering tulip trees and fruit trees.

I wonder what the next color will be.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Sitting in courtroom 14 this morning waiting for an important decision. I had gone through the metal detectors with no problems.

In the court room there were the well dressed men and women, mostly men, and the rest of us who seemed more nervous and uncomfortable.

I heard one of these well dressed men tell his casually dressed client, "Now just don't jump up and shout he is a liar. OK? "

This is what I noticed. The men all had short groomed hair with exposed ears. The women hid their ears behind their hair. I wonder what that means.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Last night the six year old girl had a screaming temper tantrum. None of us could figure out what was wrong. Once the anger had started she was not in shape to tell us what happened.

The eight year old boy looked angelic, ummmmm.

I wonder what happened in the children's world.

My heart went out to the tired mom picking them up to take home.

Three heron nests are now established in the pine grove down the street.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Cherry Blossoms fill the trees. The air is balmy. Last night at the Cherry Center we sat outside on the porch waiting for the time to start zazen. It was light and almost warm. The four months of darkness and cold are gone and the days are getting longer.

More Blue herons are arriving at the Pine trees.

High School kids are hanging out on the corner in t-shirts.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Driving back from Mill Valley I tried the short cut through San Francisco to avoid the dreaded 19th ave traffic.

Of course I got hopelessly lost, wondering through the streets.

I wish I had a periscope that would rise up over my car so I could see where I was. I just couldn't tell from city street level. I kept heading south and eventually I was on a familiar road.

The visit was good and now I am tired. Next time I will bring a map.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

I'm on my way to visit my sister in Mill Valley. I am such a reluctant traveler. The biggest question is what books should I take and how much food in case My car breaks down and I am stranded.

I haven't packed yet.

The sun is out and the road is welcoming.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Spent the morning as a chaplain. Walking down the long corridors I could see the new inner courtyard that was planted with a forest of bare trees surrounding the waterfall.

The cool sun was out.

A few old leaves still clung to the branches, golden leaves with raggedy brown edges.

After each visit I stood at the window and breathed in the calm trees and sunlight.

The world can be so beautiful in the midst of suffering.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

I just finished a book called, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN. It was intense and somewhat creepy and I feel the echoes of it in my dreams and in the shadows of my house.

I do recommend it, but I am not sure why.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The eight year old boy played on my computer this afternoon and changed my desktop image to an ugly pokemon image. I can't seem to change it back, It's stuck.

I wish I knew what he did. We were sitting in the living room watching sponge bob square pants and he wanted to write a story so I let him use my computer. Mistake.

He'll be back next week. I hope he knows how to fix this.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

I packed up two large black bags of stuff and took them to the local Goodwill donation site. There was a sign saying they would no longer take books along with lots of other things. sigh

Books! What do I do with all my old books? I want to keep them moving through my house and out again. Why are books no longer valuable? Many questions and no answers.

I will find something to do with the books.

Monday, February 4, 2008

I am constantly adjusting my heater thermostat, tuning it higher, turning it off. In this cold weather I am not satisfied with how it works. I am afraid that the bill will get too high. I am afraid that I will get too cold.

I think it is a matter of trust. I just don't trust my heater to work well and efficiently.

Right now I am cold, but the sun is shinning so my brain says I should be warm but I am not. the heater is off.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

We sit sewing at the round table in the morning. We meet weekly. Each brings their own project. Two bright lights are pulled near the table.

We plan to sew in silence for two hours but that doesn't happen. We each have something to talk about and when the talking is over, the two hours are gone.

We leave feeling grateful and full.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Drove to Redwood City in the morning and drove back in the evening, eyes focused on the road, cars going in both directions, anticipating danger and periodically noticing how the hills have begun to turn green. It's always amazing to me that any of us survive in this car racing culture.

The class on the Pali Sutas was interesting. I was glad to present. I took walks in the neighborhood at breaks.

This morning two red robins are playing on the oak tree outside my bedroom window.