Tuesday, June 16, 2026

     I show up to my doctor’s appointment with a list of three minor issues. And of course, the doctor is friendly and kind. What more do I want. He dismisses my three items.  I leave feeling he had not listened to me. He is having an off day. And my concerns are not major. I have failed some test that is hidden from me.

     Going to the doctor’s office is fraught with my expectations. Being a good patient and appearing smart. He is seeing a dozen patients and I am just one of them. He was great when I had life threatening issues with bladder and kidney cancers. The drama is mostly over and now that I am complaining about farting and bladder stinging. My body issues are boring to me too.

     I spend my nap time lying on the couch wondering what I should do next. I want a more interesting life. Spending too much time worrying about doctor visits is a waste of time. I just don’t want to be that old woman sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. Time once again to accept the life I have.

     This morning, a flock of tiny birds move through the bottle bush trees. A hummingbird is fussing with a red blossom. The sky is foggy gray. I am wearing my green puffer jacket. The newspaper has more compelling pictures of David Hockney’s outrageously colorful work. I am smiling.

 

Monday, June 15, 2026

     We watch the concert in New York City and avoid the cage fights at the White House. I finally figure out how to get free YouTube on my TV. I don’t know why I thought it would be so difficult. The show celebrates our talented activists and singers.  Several times tears came to my eyes.

     My roommate goes off in the morning to be part of a security team for a group protesting building a detention center in Gilroy.  I suggest she take a picture of the carpool car. I am afraid she will just disappear.  I ask her to be careful and not get killed. Of course, my fears have momentarily taken over my life.

      She returns alive and exhausted.  Hundreds of peaceful people show up to protest. No violence at this rally. And no, she didn’t take the picture of her carpool car. I look closely at the facebook photos when she returns. She does such good work.

     This foggy cold morning, I have an appointment with my primary doctor. I am doing well and have a few minor issues to discuss. I see him every three months and he monitors my activities with the cancer treatments and now surveillance. I didn’t do much reading yesterday.

 

Sunday, June 14, 2026

     What would it be like to write like David Hockney’s paints. His art work is showing up everywhere now that he has died. I feel such warmth and joy while experiencing his art work. I want to reach out to touch something I can’t name. How did he do it.

     Saturday is a two nap day. Time to rest and regroup my energies. Each day is new and unpredictable. I am reading THE ELUSIVE BODY, by Alexander Sifferlin.  A study about how medical students learn to make accurate diagnoses.  We have a diagnosis based medical system which has good and bad results. Luckily I have a lot of experiences with the medical world that help me understand this book.

     The magic pink pills are still working to keep my esophagus functioning, my own Strait of Hormuz where food can be blocked from moving forward. Now I take the pill every other day and all is fine. I have spent years avoiding eating with other people because of the unexpected food blockages.

     I am finally coming to the end of THE CLOSER.  A hundred episodes. I have been intrigued by the detectives slowly finding enough clues to put together an accurate picture of the crime. Now I want to move on to a different type of show. I may have to watch the president’s cage fight today for clues to the insanity of our present American life.