Saturday, November 22, 2025

     Only nine dead leaves left on the old apricot tree in the back yard. The ground is covered with vibrant young green sprouts.  This morning the sun is shinning and the neighborhood is glistening with moisture. Puddles are drying up on the driveway.

     I frequently check my emails to see if the latest pathology test is back.  I am waiting although I expect it to be good news. I am an optimist so, of course, I always am surprised when not good news happens. I am not sure about bad news, sometimes, it is good news somewhat disguised.

     I have been near tears reading DEAR EDWARD. Tears that are welcomed.  It is hard for me to cry so when I actually do cry it is a relief.

     We watch the exciting breaking news about the failures of the president. Maybe change is about to happen.  We also watch episodes from two different shows, DEATH BY LIGHTENING and PLURIBUS. Both good enough series.

 

Friday, November 21, 2025

     The young talented urology surgeon is committed to keeping me alive no matter how horrendous the treatment.  He does not want me to die.  The older oncologist/palliative care doctor wants me to have a good life while I am alive. He understands people die. He doesn’t feel it is failure for a person to die. They work in separate practices and sometimes talk to each other. Today I see the young urology surgeon.

     The urology visit goes well enough.  My daughter drives us to the appointment. I watch a two year old boy, wearing pajamas, race through the lobby as his father is talking to a friend. The father is trying to keep this energetic boy near him. The medical staff are skilled and kind. After the camera and light are inserted into my bladder the doctor says, looks good, no red spots. Now we wait for the pathology report. I am told to come back in the spring for the next cystoscopy. The plan for further chemo treatment is pending with the oncologist.  

      I feel sad after the visit.  Should be good enough news but it is not over. This morning the sun is out and the sadness has mostly dissipated.

     I start reading Ann Napolitano’s novel DEAR EDWARD in the afternoon. What a good book.

 

  Thursday, November 20, 2025  

     I have a new wonderful heater and yet I still turn it off and on, to save money. I am a bully with the heater. Once the house is warm, I turn it off. My house is old and drafty, and has a close relationship with the cold weather outside.  I turn the heater off and on several times during the day. We do sleep with the heater off at night.

     I shower in the late afternoon. I put on my flannel nightgown and warm puffer jacket. I watch an hour of the AMERICAN REVOLUTION, a great show, and then we watch episode 7 of the MORNING SHOW, a confusing dramatic show. My roommate has zoom meetings most evenings.

     The sky is cold and heavy with clouds when I walk on my deck. Back and forth. Nothing interesting to report. No birds, no high school kids, no wind., no black cat. There is traffic noise and an occasional airplane flying overhead. In the evening the high school stadium lights are on.  I have no idea what is going on.

     I finish reading the novel, MECCA by Susan Straight. This is a book I will think about for a long time. The personal librarian arrives at dust with several more books I have on hold. Such a treat. Reading helps me not focus on today’s urology procedure. But of course ,it is alive some place in my mind.