Saturday, July 11, 2026

     I curse at this young man who wants me to drive my car into the dark basement garage. I am picking up my friend from a medical appointment. My eyes are too slow to shift to safely see in the dark. He is embarrassed and says this is his boss’s new rule. I turn my car around awkwardly to sit in the driveway outside of the dark garage. There is street paring available.

     Later I worry about the cursing. Mostly I am embarrassed by being old and damaged. I pretend to be competent and normal. And maybe I am normal for an old woman. Maybe it is ok to yell sometimes. but it feels like I am losing it. I just can’t make my eyes adjust faster in the dark.

     The fog breaks open for a couple of hours of sunshine in the afternoon. Every where I look, flowers are blooming. We eat some of the first tomatoes. My roommate has planted watermelon seeds that will grow in our cold foggy climate.

     I am reading a memoir, GHOST STORIES by Siri Hustvedt about her grief around her husband’s cancer death. Of course it is well written. Another step in becoming familiar with the details of dying. In the evening, we watch two episodes of season two of BEEF, I find the story too angry and too violent. I prefer the controlled fierceness and drama in detective stories.  Nothing new to say about the president’s confusing war with Iran. So scary.

 

Friday, July 10, 2026

     I give up on the novel BLACK BAG.  I’m a third of the way through the book and realize I don’t like any of the characters, mostly young sad inebriated men. This is not the book for me.  I did read the last couple of pages, maybe a resolution, but nope. Yep, my life is enlivened by the stories I read.  Characters, ideas, activities in each book.

     Thursday is a slow day, a recovery day from my activities of the week.  I fold laundry, do dishes, clean up my room, set out my medical supplies in the bathroom.  I am ready to engage again in this world we live in. I am still alive after five years of aggressive cancer treatments.  It’s not over but I now better understand the process of medical care.

    The new potato patch is up and planted. My farmer roommate has created a gopher safe planting bed for those spouting old potatoes in our kitchen. I thank her on behalf of all the old potatoes in our life. Soon we will have home grown potatoes and the gophers will have to find something else to eat.

     We watch more episodes of SUGAR in the evening. A strange show with an alien detective who is kind and good looking. The plot is opaque. Periodically I think, oh this is what it is about. We also watch monologues on the daily show for some laughter. What would these comedians do without the wars and crazy rants of our president. Better to laugh then to cry.

 

Thursday, July 9, 2026

     I don’t remember why I bought this book, BLACK BAG, by Luke Kennard. A story of a man who spends a lot of time zipped into a large leather bag while sitting in a university class room. I start reading the book, but may not continue. I am intrigued with the concept but the characters are not so interesting.

     Had lunch with three favorite friends in Carmel. My friend’s house is on an incline. I struggle walking up with my cane. Need to exercise more.

     The lunch is great and the conversation is lively. Maybe I talk too much, my voice starts giving out. I spend so much of my time at home not talking. I love my friend’s charming home. I am not sure what he has done to make it so charming. Maybe I will talk to myself at home or read books out loud.

     In the early evening, my roommate is working outside shoveling dirt, and fighting gophers. I watch several more episodes of PATIENCE, the PBS detective series. And of course I watch the PBS News hour. The tragedies with the ICE police and immigrant communities are over whelming. What to do, what to do.