Sunday, June 14, 2026

     What would it be like to write like David Hockney’s paints. His art work is showing up everywhere now that he has died. I feel such warmth and joy while experiencing his art work. I want to reach out to touch something I can’t name. How did he do it.

     Saturday is a two nap day. Time to rest and regroup my energies. Each day is new and unpredictable. I am reading THE ELUSIVE BODY, by Alexander Sifferlin.  A study about how medical students learn to make accurate diagnoses.  We have a diagnosis based medical system which has good and bad results. Luckily I have a lot of experiences with the medical world that help me understand this book.

     The magic pink pills are still working to keep my esophagus functioning, my own Strait of Hormuz where food can be blocked from moving forward. Now I take the pill every other day and all is fine. I have spent years avoiding eating with other people because of the unexpected food blockages.

     I am finally coming to the end of THE CLOSER.  A hundred episodes. I have been intrigued by the detectives slowly finding enough clues to put together an accurate picture of the crime. Now I want to move on to a different type of show. I may have to watch the president’s cage fight today for clues to the insanity of our present American life.

 

Saturday, June 13, 2026    

     Foggy cool morning. I look at the California weather report and realize I live in a narrow band of cool fog while the rest of the state is too hot. This morning, I am wearing my green puffer jacket while I eat my breakfast and read the morning paper.

     I meet a friend for lunch at the local Chinese restaurant. We talk while eating our lunch specials. The restaurant is busy. And I am exhausted when I get home. Today will be a quiet day as I recover from Friday’s lunch. I wish I knew whether the tiredness is just age and disability, or something fixable.

     My roommate is busy in the small backyard farm, hours of slow work. She returns to the house smiling. This work is perfect for her. I am now eating home grown salads.  Soon we will have fresh tomatoes and dozens of other treats. In the evening we watch WIDOWS BAY and CLARKSON’S FARM.

     I took a Political Science class at UC Berkeley in 1960 that explored the philosophical framework of societies. I barely passed and took the class a second time in an attempted to understand how our society actually works. I am still working on understanding our political and cultural lives. NOTES ON A FOREIGN COUNTRY by Suzy Hansen is fabulous, and difficult to understand.

 

Friday, June 12, 2026

     I don’t write about sadness, and yet sadness is part of life. Lately I am confused with the roles of my three medical doctors. I am not sure who does what and who can help me. I over think planning my short visits, writing down the issues that concern me. And yet I don’t feel heard. I am not sure what I want. I am lucky to have only three doctors, a primary care doctor, an oncologist surgeon, and a palliative care oncologist. There are a whole lot more doctors out there that could be treating me.

     I am basically healthy but have a lot of small body concerns. The cancer seems to be gone leaving behind a damaged body from the treatments and aging. I remind myself that I am still alive after 5 years of treatments.  The medical systems is clearly working even if I struggle with my doubts.

     The photographer arrives early this morning full of good cheer and fresh strawberries.

     I am now reading three books hoping I will not mix them up in my mind. The latest is THE ELUSIVE BODY, Patients, Doctors and the Diagnosis Crisis, by Alexandra Sifferlin. My quest is to understand who we are in our country. My retirement job is to read books. I am delighted with watching another episode of CLARKSON’S FARM.