Thursday, December 4, 2025

     The personal librarian arrives with ten more library books, a full grocery bag of books.  No way will I be able to finish them all in three weeks. Well maybe. I place holds on books that seem promising, recommendations from many places. Most of the time it is months before the book arrives. I will pause the rest of my holds for a couple of weeks to give me breathing room.

     The sun warms the kitchen this morning as I brew coffee and put together my breakfast.  But still, I need the heater on for the rest of the house. How much heat do I need. I am fighting the PG&E monthly bills. It is a losing battle. My aging body wants to be warm.

     I argue with the Trump’s image on my television screen during the Katy Tur news report.  AFFORDABILITY is a real word even if you are ignorant. He doesn’t hear me, keeps on complaining about the democratic menace and the horrors of Biden and Obama.   We need real progress in interactive television.  I want him to hear me now. I have a whole bunch of topics for him. I wish I had a whistle to blow to get his attention.

     OK, another book from the endless supply of library books.  The latest Lincoln lawyer novel by Michael Connelly, THE PROVING GROUND. A legal case about AI. And as usual I am reading several books at a time hoping the narratives don’t intermingle.

 

Wednesday, December 3, 2025

     I am awake at 4am, tense, filled with worries.  It is cold and my body itches. I need to use the bathroom. I just lie in bed without the gumption to do something. Finally, I get up, turn on a light, start up the heater, put anti itch cream on the needy parts of my body, use the bathroom. I return to my room, turn off the light, straighten up the crumbled blankets and climb back into bed. I don’t remember what happens next.

     I have an appointment with my primary doctor next week. I am rehearsing what to say to him. My body’s health concerns are divided among three doctors and I am frequently unsure who does what. It feels like over kill. Who is going to help me with my itchy skin? Is it a side effect from the 19 chemo treatments I have had? What about monitoring possible UTI”s to keep from getting sepsis again. What about the fatigue I feel, old age or sickness? I suppose I am lucky to have three doctors even if they don’t work together.

     In the morning, I sit in the cool sun talking to a good friend on the phone. The voices of the high school drift up to the deck. I used to avoid talking on the phone but now it is OK.

     I am settled into reading a COVID time memoir, RAISING HARE by Chloe Dalton. Delightful and upbeat.  No murders or detectives here. Also, I am back to reading David Abram’s nonfiction book, THE SPELL OF THE SENSUOUS, Perception and Language in a More Then Human World. My reading life has improved.

 

Tuesday, December 2, 2025

     I am giving up on the novel, THE HALLMARK MAN by Robert Galbraith, too long. I get confused by too many terrible characters. I really don’t like any of them. 900 page book and I am on page 600. Why do I feel so loyal to a book I don’t much like or understand.

     The day never really warms up although I do turn off the heater and put on my puffer jacket. I drag the bins to the curb one by one, balancing my cane while pushing each bin. I can do this, I am damaged not sick. My new mantra.

     In the morning my two friends come for our weekly writing together time. We do timed writing and then read our work to each other.  Such a warm friendly experience.

     In the evening, I watch Rachel Maddow news, always encouraging.  But then I watch another episode of a police procedural, BLUE LIGHTS. This show is set in violent Belfast Ireland. It has become too violent for me.  I have become more sensitive to violence recently and am looking for other shows. The best non violent show for me is LONG WAY HOME, two old guys riding motorcycles through Europe.