Thursday, November 13, 2025

     Wednesday morning at the lab I am ready to do urine test required before next Thursday’s cystoscopy appointment. I register and then wait in the lobby. I am called, given the little empty container and the hat. In the bathroom I try and only come up with a few drops. Suddenly feel ashamed and teary eyed, I leave the few drops in the container in the tray and rush out of the building. When I calm down at home a kind woman calls from the lab offering suggestions of what I can do for the test.  So, I try again at home and my roommate takes the new sample to the lab. No one yells at me or gets angry.  I do it to myself. It is all so hard. Then the intense emotions begin to evaporate.

     This morning, we have a rain storm. Sounds of water splashing on the house and in the neighborhood. One small leak in the bathroom. I am eating my breakfast as usual, glad to be alive.  All is well again.

     In the evening, we watch two more episodes of DOWN CEMETERY ROAD. I love this fast pace exciting story. During the day I periodically turn on the news to see what is happening or not happening in Washington. Exciting times.

     I continue to do chair yoga in my bedroom. Thirty minutes of various body movements while frequently checking the book to see if I am doing it right. I am hopeful.

 

Wednesday, November 12, 2025

     She is back after spending a week in Washington DC with our close relatives. No problems with the airport or airplanes.   The house feels normal again.

     This morning, I will go to the lab for a urine test before next week’s cystoscopy. Slowly I am starting up treatments again. Not sure which ones yet.  I have known this always and I have enjoyed the respite from treatment these last months. The sky is cloudy and a storm is coming today. Heater is on and warming the house. Yes, I am sad.

     The house cleaning couple come Tuesday morning to change the beds, vacuum, clean the kitchen and bathrooms.  The husband manages the pile of cardboard boxes in the corner. My monthly supply of medical stuff arrives in several large boxes.  He cuts them down and stuffs them into the recycle bin. I am so grateful for their help.

     I am still reading WE SURVIVED THE NIGHT.  Although it is about the indigenous north American peoples. it has helped me understand some of the difficulties in my family. I am reminded that trauma is inherited. In the evening, I watch an interesting detective mystery series, DAIGLIESH on Acorn TV.

 

Tuesday, November 11, 2025

     I decide to test ability to return books to the library drop box. I want to be independent. I park near the drop box and slowly climb out of the car and walk around with one hand on the side of the car for balance. One book falls to the ground. I maneuver it with my cane to pick it up. I put the seven books into the drop box and edge back to the front car door.  Not so successful but a good try. I wonder if I will ever get mobile enough.

     Because I am already in the car I drive to San Carlos Beach to sit and watch the ocean.  Lots of empty parking places.  The ocean is a calm silver with a few ruffles. A solitary egret standing in seaweed cluster just off shore. A single pelican glides by. Several young children riding bicycles. Clusters of small quick birds fly past. Strollers and old people moving around. The park.  Just perfect for me.

     Back home I am exhausted with my little outing. I listen to classical music to recover.

     The friendly librarian and I watch the Rachel Maddow show as the senate votes to reopen the government. I find it so interesting that everyone is so angry about this outcome. The poor people needing food verses the middle class needing health care. No good outcome here.