Saturday, April 11, 2026

     Early morning breakfast with the professor is always full of conversation and kindness. We both like to get up early and hang out together.  She then goes for her daily walk and I read the newspaper and work on my writing.

     The potato plants are thriving in the back yard. Now the question is, will the gophers get to the potatoes before we do. My roommate is at the Saturday master gardener class with 50 students. The house is quiet.

     The three buckets are under the skylight to catch the drips from the light rain last night. More rain expected in the late afternoon. House is cool and damp this morning.

     Not much to report from yesterday, more repeat episodes of THE PITT, the landing and rescue of Artemus 2 in the Pacific Ocean, walks on the deck, naps and continuing to read several books. THIS IS HAPPINESS, WILD TREES and A WORLD APPEARS. The story lines are creating a collage of images in my 85 year old mind.

 

Friday, April 10, 2026

     Thursday morning, I see hummingbirds busy with the bright red flower clusters on the bottle bush trees. So few birds this year in the garden. This morning, rain is falling and the sky is gray.

     I remember a time in the 1980’s early in the AIDS epidemic.  I was in charge of a Medi Cal AIDS case management program and all the men were dying. For weeks I would just cry at work. So many wonderful guys were dying. And then I got used to it and better treatments were found. And I could stop crying.

     The professor is visiting for a few days. We reminisce about our childhood growing up in the same family. For a treat we are binge watching season 2 of THE PITT. Me for the second time. The second time is actually better. I understand what is happening in that fast paced Emergency Room. I am reminded of my many trips to the ER the last five years.

     I continue to read THIS IS HAPPINESS, a novel by Niall Williams. It has taken me awhile to enjoy the slow descriptive passages of a quiet Irish town in the 1950’s.

 

Thursday, April 9, 2026

     I keep thinking of Michael’s Pollan’s descriptions about consciousness.  What is it and how does it function.  Just as I think I know what he is saying I lose it. Scientists have created criteria for studying consciousness and then their theories all dissolve.  I am about half way through the book, A WORLD APPEARS.

     I had planned to do errands yesterday.  Just get into my car and drive to the bank and the gas station and the library. But I kept forgetting what it was I was going to do or maybe I hit that wall of being afraid to get out into the world. It is not just fear of curbs, other fears also arise.

      An article in the New York Times reports on the human damage created during hospital stays. Fears, weaknesses, distractedness. Well maybe that is me. Maybe not, maybe I am just tired of trying so hard to be healthy. In the last 5 years. I have had 6 surgeries, multiple hospitalizations, 18 immunotherapy infusions and 19 chemo infusions and thousands of hours sitting in medical waiting rooms, and emergency rooms. Actually, I am doing really good. I have to stop being so hard on myself.

      We watch the last episode of DEADLOCH. Lots of noise and activity and crocodiles and bodies and. Guns.  My roommate looks up a critics review on her phone to learn what happened.