Friday, November 14, 2025

     Rainy day but not so cold. Rain comes and goes.  I move through the morning doing my usual tasks, writing, washing dishes, reading the paper, walking on the deck, putting clothes away, organizing the MOW meals. In the afternoon, lunch, a nap and then a new exercise routine, more walking and reading the current book I like. It is a good day.

     In the evening, We watch another episode of THE MORNING SHOW, Intense drama and confusing conflict. Later we watch the last two episodes of OLD DOG, NEW TRICKS, a series set in Spain, dubbed in English.  I have grown to love it and will miss it.

    The whole neighborhood is wet, puddles, vivid green trees, birds ignoring the rain as they fuss around in the bushes. Not many cars and people on the street.     No power outages in this town. I frequently look at the PG&E outage map on line.

     In the evening while settling in for the night I hear voices outside, people talking to each other, car doors slamming. I remember the neighbor say they are planning a pre wedding gathering for her daughter. And then, cars drive off and the neighborhood is quiet again. Weddings bring up conflicted memories.  Women cry at weddings, sad and happy for the bride, wishing her well. I don’t know what men do.

 

Thursday, November 13, 2025

     Wednesday morning at the lab I am ready to do urine test required before next Thursday’s cystoscopy appointment. I register and then wait in the lobby. I am called, given the little empty container and the hat. In the bathroom I try and only come up with a few drops. Suddenly feel ashamed and teary eyed, I leave the few drops in the container in the tray and rush out of the building. When I calm down at home a kind woman calls from the lab offering suggestions of what I can do for the test.  So, I try again at home and my roommate takes the new sample to the lab. No one yells at me or gets angry.  I do it to myself. It is all so hard. Then the intense emotions begin to evaporate.

     This morning, we have a rain storm. Sounds of water splashing on the house and in the neighborhood. One small leak in the bathroom. I am eating my breakfast as usual, glad to be alive.  All is well again.

     In the evening, we watch two more episodes of DOWN CEMETERY ROAD. I love this fast pace exciting story. During the day I periodically turn on the news to see what is happening or not happening in Washington. Exciting times.

     I continue to do chair yoga in my bedroom. Thirty minutes of various body movements while frequently checking the book to see if I am doing it right. I am hopeful.

 

Wednesday, November 12, 2025

     She is back after spending a week in Washington DC with our close relatives. No problems with the airport or airplanes.   The house feels normal again.

     This morning, I will go to the lab for a urine test before next week’s cystoscopy. Slowly I am starting up treatments again. Not sure which ones yet.  I have known this always and I have enjoyed the respite from treatment these last months. The sky is cloudy and a storm is coming today. Heater is on and warming the house. Yes, I am sad.

     The house cleaning couple come Tuesday morning to change the beds, vacuum, clean the kitchen and bathrooms.  The husband manages the pile of cardboard boxes in the corner. My monthly supply of medical stuff arrives in several large boxes.  He cuts them down and stuffs them into the recycle bin. I am so grateful for their help.

     I am still reading WE SURVIVED THE NIGHT.  Although it is about the indigenous north American peoples. it has helped me understand some of the difficulties in my family. I am reminded that trauma is inherited. In the evening, I watch an interesting detective mystery series, DAIGLIESH on Acorn TV.