Wednesday, June 17, 2026

     When I am too tired or anxious or bored I return to searching for the next book to read. A book that is great and unknown. I can’t describe the excitement of looking through recommendations on line until I am finally satisfied and the book is on order at the library or on line.

     I am now in the middle of three very good books. ON THE CALCULATION OF VOLUME, a sci fi novel by Solvej Balle. PARABLE OF THE TALENTS, another sci fi book by Octavia Butler. Finally NOTES ON A FOREIGN COUNTRY, nonfiction by Suzy Hansen. I guess my mind is able to keep up with the various plots. I love to read. My job lately is to just keep reading.

     I do worry about losing words when I am talking with friends. I pause in the middle of a thought and am unable to find the next word. Eventually the word returns to my mind but too late for the conversation I am in.

     My neighbor’s New Yorker shows up in my mail box a couple of days ago. The third New Yorker of the week, to arrive. My roommate and I both have New Yorker subscriptions. Yesterday I finely walk down to his mail box with his magazine.

 

   Tuesday, June 16, 2026

     I show up to my doctor’s appointment with a list of three minor issues. And of course, the doctor is friendly and kind. What more do I want. He dismisses my three items.  I leave feeling he had not listened to me. He is having an off day. And my concerns are not major. I have failed some test that is hidden from me.

     Going to the doctor’s office is fraught with my expectations. Being a good patient and appearing smart. He is seeing a dozen patients and I am just one of them. He was great when I had life threatening issues with bladder and kidney cancers. The drama is mostly over and now that I am complaining about farting and bladder stinging. My body issues are boring to me too.

     I spend my nap time lying on the couch wondering what I should do next. I want a more interesting life. Spending too much time worrying about doctor visits is a waste of time. I just don’t want to be that old woman sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. Time once again to accept the life I have.

     This morning, a flock of tiny birds move through the bottle bush trees. A hummingbird is fussing with a red blossom. The sky is foggy gray. I am wearing my green puffer jacket. The newspaper has more compelling pictures of David Hockney’s outrageously colorful work. I am smiling.

 

Monday, June 15, 2026

     We watch the concert in New York City and avoid the cage fights at the White House. I finally figure out how to get free YouTube on my TV. I don’t know why I thought it would be so difficult. The show celebrates our talented activists and singers.  Several times tears came to my eyes.

     My roommate goes off in the morning to be part of a security team for a group protesting building a detention center in Gilroy.  I suggest she take a picture of the carpool car. I am afraid she will just disappear.  I ask her to be careful and not get killed. Of course, my fears have momentarily taken over my life.

      She returns alive and exhausted.  Hundreds of peaceful people show up to protest. No violence at this rally. And no, she didn’t take the picture of her carpool car. I look closely at the facebook photos when she returns. She does such good work.

     This foggy cold morning, I have an appointment with my primary doctor. I am doing well and have a few minor issues to discuss. I see him every three months and he monitors my activities with the cancer treatments and now surveillance. I didn’t do much reading yesterday.