Tuesday, January 20, 2026

     A close friend is ill, maybe dying. My mind fills with memories of all the people I have known in the last 85 years.  And yet each friendship seemed permanent. They come and go, and I am sad and surprised. These crowds of folks are alive in my mind.  Life is such a mystery. I just don’t understand where everyone is.

     I am also confused about our country, about Trump and his destruction of our country. Is it dangerous to even talk about Trump?  The news reports are dreadful and scary and yet my neighborhood is quiets and peaceful for now at least. Birds, trees, cars, school kids, old folks., flowers.  My roommate is intensely committed to protecting our democracy and our human lives. I just don’t understand what is happening.

     In the evening, we watch two more episodes of THE BIG “C” on Netflix. Such a compelling show about a family.  The mother has cancer and is dying and yet the show is funny and well written and poignant. I just don’t understand how they create an interesting family series with cancer.

     The message to my self is, I don’t have to understand, I just have to live my life, and pay attention. Life happens and is just not understandable. It is ok to feel happiness in the midst of sadness and pain. Sigh.

 

 Monday, January 19, 2026

     Last night we found a great show on Britbox, THE RIOT WOMEN, Middle age women finding a life for themselves by starting a punk rock band. Created by the same women who produced HAPPY VALLEY. We watch while we eat our diners. Lots of humor and poignancy.

     The tall man picks up my car this morning for an appointment with a mechanic who works on old Hondas. I am so excited.

     The days continue to be warm and fog free. The nights are cold. The rock roses in the front yard are now blooming. I am continuing to do my daily 30 minute chair yoga exercises. It has been three months now so I guess I will continue. I woke up in the middle of the night worrying I had made a mistake postponing my chemo treatments.

     I am reading GIRL WAITS WITH GUN by Amy Stewart, the first of a series of mystery stories with three sisters. I was slow to appreciate the novel, but now, I have put a hold on the next book in the series.

 

 Sunday, January 18, 2026   

     Outside after lunch I see a hawk drifting in circles in the sky. And then the flock of tiny birds start chattering with tiny sounds. A truck in the neighbor’s yard starts up. Yep all is well on a Saturday in the neighborhood. Yellow blossoms on the acacia trees and pink flowers on the tulip tree blooming in town.

     Drinking my glass of cold nonfat milk I suddenly realize, this milk is created by those huge cows who live on hay and grass. Real live cows, who are milked by machines every day. It is a big realization. The milk does not just magically appear in the plastic container at the grocery store. I feel so grateful to these cows.

     My roommate is out for the evening so my choice on TV shows to watch.  I am back to the ROYAL FLYING DOCTOR SERVICE; a masterpiece theater series set in Australia in the outback. Beautiful scenery and intriguing medical issues combined with complicated characters. I have started reading GIRL WAITS WITH A GUN by Amy Stewart.

     I visit the Library for the first time in 5 years. Returning books and picking up reserved books. My usual helpers are not available. I use the library’s free walker by the front door. 10 new books waiting for me.  My library card is lost. The librarian says not a problem and helps me get the books to the car. I love the library, absolutely love Monterey Library. My roommate brings the books into the house. I can get around slowly with a cane but I can’t carry stuff.