Friday, June 5, 2026

     So I am sitting on the passenger side of my car. Another car has parked too close to my car. I can’t get into the drivers seat of the car. I feel trapped and defeated. A middle aged man comes to the car window in this crowded parking lot. I explain I can’t get into the driver’s seat.  He tries and is just barely able to squeeze in.

    He tells me he is here with his family at the park. His wife just had her kidney removed with robotic surgery at Stanford Hospital. I say, me too, but here Monterey. He pulls out his cellphone and shows me a picture of his wife’s diseased kidney in a surgery tray. I wish I had a picture of my cancerous kidney. I was never given one. We talk about kidneys and surgeries and work and life. His wife is 62 and I am 85.

     He drives the car out to the street for me.  I am able to drive home.  I am so grateful for his unexpected kindness. So very grateful. I am exhausted when I get home.

     I watch the first episode of season 5, CLARKSON’S FARM on prime. I love this show. The silly workers, the beautiful farm land, and the sheep. Later we watch a couple more episodes of MINDFUL MURDERS. A quirky , sometimes funny, German series. I am in the middle of reading ON THE CALCULATION OF VOLUME 11 a novel by Danish author Solvej Balle. A strange compelling 7 book series.

 

Thursday, June 4, 2026

     Lately when I see old friends I haven’t seen for awhile, I blurt out, Oh I am so glad you are still alive. How do I know who has died and who is still alive.  Me too I say, I am still alive, just in case they are not sure. There is no town crier letting us know who has died and who is born.

     I tell my roommate that I am a really smart person. And then I hesitate and remember that for almost two years I waited in the hallway at the Pacific Cancer Center for my oncology appointments. I didn’t know there was a comfortable waiting room. When asked why no one told me about the waiting room, the medical assistant says we thought you wanted to sit in the hallway.

     Inspired by Oliver Sacks book A LEG TO STAND ON, I get out of my recliner and drive downtown to get the needed haircut. He writes about the role of our mind maps controlling what we do and how we live. I don’t know how his writing connected with my need to stop looking like Paul McCartney. Now I look like Kathy.

     Instead of watching the election returns we start watching a new series THE MINDFUL MURDERS on Netflix, a German comedy series. We settle in watching the dubbed English and soon realize it is a fabulous show.

 

Wednesday, June 3, 2026

     The Larken House garden is charming and is a state park.  In the morning, we sit on two benches facing each other and talk. No more twisting on an uncomfortable bench to continue the conversation. We stay two hours. The garden is quiet, protected by high stone walls. Walking through the narrow exit gate the loud traffic noises surprise me.

     We don’t stay up to watch the California returns. This morning, I check the news for any updates. Hard to tell what it all means.

     A friend and her little excited dog visit in the late afternoon. We sit on the deck so the dog can explore the yard.  My roommate sits in the dirt working on her garden. The day is cooling off, actually it was never a warm day.

     We watch the last episode of AFTER THE FLOOD, and then THE WANDA SYKES LEGACY SHOW. Both satisfying shows. I am intrigued with Oliver Sacks writing in A LEG TO STAND ON. He explores what it feels like to lose the connection to parts of the body. This sense of wholeness, connectedness, comes from the brain. I am not sure how to describe this experience but I have felt it in my treatments.