Saturday, May 9, 2026

     Early summer weather, fog and damp. We had an hour of sun yesterday afternoon. I am not sure what will happen today. I sit at my computer wearing my puffer jacket and a blanket on my knees.

     My roommate struggles moving a massive wooden thing. Turns out it is a tall planting bed for me.  Really, she is doing the work. Time for home grown salad greens. Already it is filled with soil and plants. My job will be to harvest the greens for our salades.  I am excited.

     It is magic or maybe a miracle, images of my grandson’s graduation three thousand miles away fly though the air and show up on this small plastic thing in my hand. This is beyond my comprehension. I used to think cars were magic but now my sense of wonder is expanded. I am definitely old.

     The other book I am reading is FROG and other essays by Anne Fadiman. I have loved her work. This latest book is good. The two shows I watch when I am alone, are THE CLOSER (still) and YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS on Apple+. I don’t know what to say about the daily devastating news.

 

Friday, May 8, 2026

     All day I argue with myself. I stamp my feet. Yes, you must do this, take a shower, pick up the outside mail, do the dishes and laundry. The list goes on and the stubborn part of myself says emphatically, no.  I will not. I will sit in my chair and feel sorry for myself. I am angry but don’t know why. I start doom scrolling though facebook looking for something and find nothing.

     Outside the bedroom window, clusters of white moths dart around the oak trees.  I am doing my chair yoga exercises slowly, watching the moths.

     I have lived in this house for 55 years. I am not sure why this is important. Maybe I am not as adventuresome as I imagine myself to be.

     I am now reading the nonfiction book, THE SALT STONES, Seasons of a Shepherd’s life, by Helen Whybrow. Slow interesting writing. We watch the Colbert show regularly and are mourning his departure in two weeks. He is one of a kind. Nothing new to say about our corrupt government.

 

Thursday, May 7, 2026

     In the morning NYT newspaper, I read the names of books winning a Pulitzer this year. I want these books immediately, maybe from the library or to purchase. I feel desperate. I know if I hold out from taking action the feeling will change.  But what is it I think having these books will add to my life. There is a transitory feeling of something missing in my life that other people have and I don’t.

     A quiet day at home as the day warms up. I check out the plants and flowers in the back garden. I fantasize building a ramp to help with the front stairs. I read for hours about dark secrets of the small Irish town created by Tana French.

     My roommate is busy with her planting in the back yard. My youngest grandson graduates on Friday from college back East. I check the financial section of the paper hoping to read of good jobs for college graduates. We are living in horrendous times.

     We are watching MARGO NEEDS MONEY on Apple+. Poignant and funny. I also watch the News hour on PBS. My ballot has arrived and I am not yet ready to choose the best candidate for governor.