Monday, October 5, 2026    

     In the dark evening, I sit on the deck to see the stars on this warm, almost clear night. Something calms me to look up at these tiny points of light and realize how small we actually are and how little we know about the universe.

     A slight haze is in the air. An airplane flies low and loud from the airport, definitely louder than the distant dots of light, the stars. Periodically I worry I could just fall off this spinning planet. We live on a narrow band of atmosphere supporting our life. On really clear dark skies the fear of falling off the planet does not seem so far-fetched.

     Back in the house, doors locked, roof holding tight, I prepare for bed. Several books, a current New Yorker, a sweet to eat. I sit in my blue recliner, fan on to cool the room, and I read until my mind calms down and the world feels safe again.

     I did watch TV last night and I am trying to remember what it was I watched. I move through various possibilities. I watch Rachel Maddow having a conversation with Ari Emanuel, the successful entertainment billionaire, Two powerful articulate middle aged people with different views of today’s world.  They did not mention the distant stars or the expanding unknowable universe. I can’t get away from the stars today. Looking up to the dark sky is a good remedy for our current corrupt politics.

 

Sunday, October 4, 2026

     I have been bragging to my family that Monterey has great ocean side weather. I swallow these word as the hot weather arrives yesterday. Not as hot as Southern California, but uncomfortably warm. And no fog. Heat should last for a couple of days. We are not exempt from the weather.

     Quiet day doing usual chores.  The Tall man visits, another friend visits. And the day warms up.  Fan in the living room is helpful. I finish the last of the antibiotic pills. Read and take napes.

     This morning, from my bedroom window, I watch my neighbor walking her small dog, while using her cane.  A deer with large antlers stands on the street watching her also. He is standing his ground. He looks like he might shoot us if he had hands and a gun. My neighbor walks quickly avoiding the challenging deer.

     In the evening, we watch several more episodes of EAST OF EDEN, on Netflix. It is high drama and emotion. I am exhausted when I go to bed. It is not an easy show to watch.  I am reading A TRUCE THAT IS NO PEACE by Miriam Toews, a favorite author. Non fiction. Of course, it is wonderful. We also watch some earlier THE DAILY SHOW broadcasts to laugh a bit. Voting starts Monday.  I am ready to throw out all stupid, fearful, corrupt politicians.

 

Saturday, October 3, 2026

     I am fine today. The procedure goes well and no lumps or bumps are found according to the doctor. NED (no evidence of disease). There will be a pathology report next week. I am tired of being afraid and am ready to be alive again. Fears around cancer just arise and then retreat.

     The Urology clinic is in a new building, Building E at Ryan Ranch. Modern, spacious, loud art on the walls.  Urology and surgery clinics occupy the building. Mostly old men waiting to be seen.  Two old men arrive on transport cots looking very sick. The tall man is with me and we have a lively conversation about agriculture in the Salinas Valley. I am tired of talking about cancer.

     In the afternoon I take a long nap.  I am tired.  I am ready for expanding my interests.

     We watch the first episode of EAST OF EDEN, on Netflix. A dark brooding story of two brothers and a corrupt brutal father. And then more of PLURIBUS a frenetic anger driven story of viruses and aliens. Don’t do much reading. Sleep really well last night and wake up to the barking of the sea lions on the San Carlos beach.  The corrupt president’s barking is disgusting but the sea lions are inspiring.